WE live in a world of persistent acrimony and argy-bargy, with identity politics dividing people on issues of race, gender and other incendiary topics. In an attempt to be more sensitive about such matters, the makers of American cartoon The Simpsons have announced Asian character Apu will no longer be portrayed by white voice-actor Hank Azaria. The Diary is eager to discover whether the show’s ginger-bearded Scot, Groundskeeper Willie, will be treated in a similar fashion. If the role (currently voiced by an American) is to be handed to someone more suitable, that would certainly be good news for our domestic acting fraternity.
There’s a problem, however. Groundskeeper Willie is aggressive, uncouth and frequently drunk. As such characteristics are totally alien to the native Scotsman, it’s unlikely any local thespian could stretch his imagination sufficiently to portray such an exotic fellow.
Cheesed off
MATILDA, the seven-year-old granddaughter of reader Bob Jamieson, is a "say it as it is" sorta gal. Last weekend her father was working, so mother took her to the cinema, then for a burger afterwards. As her parents were putting her to bed she said: “Daddy, you’re my favourite!” Mummy, who had spent all day with her, was rather taken aback. So she asked her young daughter if she had any other favourites.
“Well,” said Matilda, “my second favourite is Big Monkey…” (her stuffed toy) “… and my third favourite is cheese.”
Mummy stopped asking questions at this point, not wanting to fall any further down the pecking order than cheese.
Doors closed day
WE’RE now into the final Brexit countdown, with 11 days left until we wave bye-bye to the 27 other nations of the EU. We have our suspicions that Terry McGeary, from East Kilbride, isn’t entirely delighted about the prospect. He says: “For those experiencing a magical, childlike excitement as we approach leaving the EU, perhaps it would be sobering for them to be given an Adverse Calendar, with 27 little doors, none of which will open.”
Woolly idea
PLANNING on branching out into Hollywood, the Diary has been pitching movie concepts with local themes, in the hope they’ll be embraced by Krysty Wilson-Cairns, the Oscar-nominated Scottish screenwriter. Brian Wadham, from Erskine, has an excellent idea for a horror flick. “How about an update of The Silence Of The Lambs?” he says. “It could be called Shut It, Ewes.”
Striking language
FUMBLED phrases continued. Jim Sheehan, from Stirling, recalls a union representative being interviewed some years ago on
television about the possibility of strike action. "We'll burn that bridge when we come to it," he said. (Perhaps not entirely unwittingly.)
Taking the plunge
WE finish with a titter at the expense of trendies, courtesy of David Foster. “Why did the hipster fall into the lake?” he asks. “Because he went skating before it was cool.”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here