Nature boy

OUR tale regarding a curious comment overheard on a train reminds Pamela Coe of the time she was on a bus travelling through lush countryside. A nearby female passenger gestured out the window then said to her young son sitting next to her: “Look out there. It’s much more interesting than what’s on that phone of yours.” The kid reluctantly tore his eyes away from his beloved mobile and glanced contemptuously out the window for all of two seconds. “Most boring meme I’ve ever seen,” he snorted.

Ruff wooing?

THE Diary likes to tackle the major topics and talking points of the day, hence our recent focus on hair ribbons. Bob Graham from Neilston has never worn ribbons himself, though his pet dog Patricia often sports a pink one. “My wife ties it round the dog’s neck because she thinks it makes the animal look sweet,” says Bob, who adds. “Unfortunately Patricia’s a bulldog. So stylistically it’s a bit like stuffing Winston Churchill inside a tutu and asking him to dance Swan Lake.”

Cash and marry

“I PROPOSED to my ex-wife recently,” reader Luke Clarke reveals. Alas, the lady turned down the offer. “She just thinks I’m just after my money,” sighs Luke.


WE recently revealed to a shocked nation that Britney Spears is an anagram of Presbyterians. The Revd Dr Johnston McKay reminds us that the late, great clergyman George MacLeod would often point out that Presbyterian is an anagram of "best in prayer" while Episcopal can be re-arranged as "Pepsi Cola". Does this have theological significance? The Diary is not qualified to judge, leaving that to a higher authority (i.e. The Herald’s canteen lady, the highest authority we know).

Balls up

IN a defensive mood, Tam Winters from Cambuslang gets in touch to say: “It’s not that I don’t know how to juggle. I just don’t have the balls to do it.”

Read more: Bob Hope flies in: 1952 and 1956

Head start

OUR run of naughty nicknames continues with another example of the genre from Stephen O’Neill, who tells us a chap at his school had the misfortune of having a ‘sticky-out head’.

Schoolboys, who are cruel and witty in equal measure, rechristened the unfortunate fellow Photo Finish.

Boardgame badinage

THE Diary’s recent boardgame discussion reminds Linda Cookson of halcyon days of youth when she played Snakes & Ladders with the family. Her mother would name every snake on the board. And each slippery, venomous creature was named after one of this fine lady’s sisters. We should probably add for complete clarification that Linda’s mum – surprise, surprise – didn’t like her sisters all that much.

Alliteration nation

THE English language can be hard to master because it’s so darned peculiar. But as reader Cameron Burton points out: “It can be understood through tough thorough thought though.”