The guid life

ENGLISH actress Sophie Rundle has admitted she struggled to maintain a Glasgow accent filming BBC psychological drama The Nest. We believe she pulled off the trick and should continue using the accent if she gets to star in her dream project, a remake of 1970s sitcom The Good Life. Which would surely lead to the following scene…

Tom Good and his wife Barbara are having lunch, sorry luncheon, on the patio of their suburban home.

Tom: I say Barb, this chicken is absolutely smashing! Is this one of our free-range birds, raised in our garden as part of our sustainable, self-sufficient and terrifically smug and sanctimonious lifestyle?

Barbara: Gis a break, big man. A tanned doon the shoaps an’ bought oor scran at KFC. Noo get it doon ye. A’ve goat jelly made frae Bucky fae dessert.

Falling forward

ANOTHER Nest-based tale. Ken Johnson from Lochwinnoch was watching the show on Sunday evening when a character was asked to name her favourite place. Her reply was "Calderwood Falls".

“And in the 10 o'clock news we found out she had,” says a seriously spooked Ken, who now believes The Nest has the unsettling ability to predict the future.

Feeling blue (etc)

WHEN she was a child, reader Nan Smith took a sneaky drink from a bottle of food colouring. “I dyed a little inside, that day,” she says.

Rock of ages

SOMETIMES it’s difficult to stop an annoying yet catchy jingle from rattling around your head once you start thinking about it. That’s exactly what happened to reader Scott King from East Kilbride. He gets in touch to inform us that when he woke up he couldn’t stop humming the popular Elton John song Rocket Man. “I hope I forget about it soon,” groans Scott. Though in a slightly less confident frame of mind, he adds: “I think it’s gonna be a long, long time.”

Magical mystery

A PUZZLER from reader Arnold Garner, who asks what do you call a magician who has lost his magic? The answer is, of course, Ian.

Animal tragic

DEPRESSING news from reader Sandy Tuckerman who reveals his pet mouse Elvis died at the weekend. “It was caught in a trap,” he sighs.

Hirsute-able improvement

WE’RE rebooting the classics of children’s literature by giving them a distinctively Scottish tone and swagger. With this in mind Marian Dick from Stirlingshire suggests a certain prim and proper nanny is ready for an upgrade and should now be known as Hairy Mary Poppins.

News from a broad

READER Peter Noble's wife told him recently that sex is better on holiday. “That certainly wasn’t a nice postcard to receive,” whimpers Peter.

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