THE father of reader David Herriot has always had a dry sense of humour and, back in the day, an unconventional approach to parenting. David recalls one particular car journey when he, or one of his younger sisters, began niggling and nagging, resulting in a back seat rammy.

Dad pulled over, opened the back door and said very softly: "Right, David, sort this out or I'll rip off your arm and beat you to death with the soggy end."

Cue mass hysterical giggling from the back seat before the journey recommenced in silence.

Date with destiny

TELEVISION presenter Muriel Gray is in an adventurous mood, and has decided to bake. Like any adventure, this escapade is fraught with risk and danger. “Just found some flour at the back of the cupboard, sell by date only three years out,” she reveals, adding rather ominously: “I’m going to try scones. Wish me luck…”

Loafing around

ANOTHER of our unlikely stories. Malcolm Boyd, from Milngavie, claims two women called at his door a while back and asked what type of bread he ate. When he explained he preferred white, they proceeded to give him a lecture on the benefits of brown bread.

“I think they were Hovis Witnesses,” adds Malcolm, with a twinkle in his eye.

Thanks, but no thanks

A RECENT Herald article featuring a round of applause reminds reader John Gerrard of the apocryphal tale of the lecture delivered in English at a Scandinavian university. At its conclusion the vote of thanks was given, which ended with the rousing exhortation: “Gentlemen, please be upstanding and give the lady the clap she so richly deserves.”

Capital idea

YOU may have noticed spring has sprung, meaning summer isn’t too far off. With this in mind, David Donaldson finds himself in a pensive mood. If a holiday at home is a Staycation he muses, does that mean a holiday in our capital city is an Embracation?

Adam and Eve it?

WITH this being Easter Monday, reader Scott Clarke has been doing some religious scholarship, resulting in him discovering the first computer can be dated back to Adam and Eve. “It was an apple with limited memory,” he explains. “Just one byte… and then everything crashed.”

Hungry for change

OUR campaign to improve children’s literature with a splash of sassy Scottish flavouring continues. Moira Campbell believes the picture book The Very Hungry Caterpillar is ripe for a reboot, and should now be known as The Pure Dead Starvin’ Wee Green Creepy Crawly.

Fuzzy recollection

REMINISCING about childhood, reader Tom Mitchell said he never liked the idea of facial hair. “But then it grew on me,” he adds.