FORMER Coatbridge MP Tom Clarke has been puzzling over how the Conservative Party, led by Anthony Eden, nabbed more than 50 per cent of the Scottish vote in the 1955 election. Thanks to a Herald article, he now has an answer.

That year’s election was on May 26. As we reported, this was also the day of the inaugural Five Past Eight Show at Glasgow’s Alhambra, where Scotland’s finest comedy talent was showcased.

Tom now believes the audience were Labour voters, who deserted the polling stations for the joys of Stanley Baxter, Rikki Fulton and Jimmy Logan.

“I’m not sure who had the last laugh,” adds Tom. “The Five Past Eight Show went on for years. But Anthony Eden resigned a year and a half later.”

Spy or fly guy?

IN a boastful mood, reader Mike Bennet says he was called 007 in his old workplace. With a tad less swagger, he adds: “It was because I was a zero for motivation and a zero for work rate. Though I took 7 cigarette breaks a day.”

Picture this

READER Lucy King likes to hold hands at the movies. “Which always seems to startle strangers,” she adds.

Jacob’s jalopy

OUR latest biblical tale comes from Margaret Bingham, from Prestwick, who says her young son was so entranced by the Good Book’s story of Jacob that he enthusiastically started drawing a picture to illustrate it. His teacher, looking over his shoulder, was puzzled to spot a car in the sketch. “That's Jacob's Lada,” the youthful motoring enthusiast explained.

Thighs the limit

OUR run of misheard lyrics continues. Mary Ferguson often wondered about the line in a song she kept hearing about a woman who had dedicated thighs.

What were they dedicated to, she mused. It wasn’t until she heard someone refer to the song by its title that she realised her mistake.

The lady didn’t have dedicated thighs. It was ‘Bette Davis Eyes’ she possessed.

Arch Archie

"YOU’RE surely not putting on your black long johns to go golfing?" enquired Archie Burleigh’s wife of her husband. There is no golfing at the moment, alas, with enthusiasts bunkered at home, where even a sand wedge won’t help them escape.

Knowing this to be the case, Archie responded archly to his wife: “No, actually I’m auditioning for a part in The King And I on Zoom. Where's your eyebrow pencil?”

Footy fun

ANOTHER of our daft footballing questions. Derek Blakey asks us to name the Scottish international whose father was born in a Caribbean Island. The answer is Roy Aitken, whose father was Jim.

Handy injury

“I HURT my finger last week,” whimpers reader Paul Murphy, who adds: “On the other hand, I’m still okay.”