BEING a sensible mother, Martha Bryson, from Falkirk, told her young daughter, Sue, never to sneak into the attic. Being a naughty scamp, Sue ignored this advice and got sneaky.

Like all good cautionary tales, this one ends badly for rebellious youth. After a rather traumatic attic escapade, little Sue materialised next to her mother with a wobbly lip and watery eyes.

“She found an old snuff tin my great-grandfather used and decided to taste the contests,” explains Martha. “Apparently it wasn’t as yummy as she assumed it would be.”

Animal magic

ACTRESS Louise Stewart stumbled upon something you don’t see every day. “Saw someone walking their dog and Shetland pony,” she reveals.

To be really memorable the pet walker should add a few extra animals to the madcap menagerie. A giraffe plus a rhino or two would be ideal.

Musical mix up

WHEN the musical Grease was released, Isabel, the younger sister of reader Marian Weir, from Ochiltree, Ayrshire, enjoyed singing the movie’s hits. As she was still in primary school her vocabulary wasn’t rich enough to understand the more mature words in some of the songs. So instead of trilling: "Look at me, I'm Sandra Dee, lousy with virginity" Isabel adapted it into: "Look at me, I'm Sandra Dee, lousy with gin and tea."

We’ve yet to establish how a primary school pupil knew of the revitalising qualities of a gin laced cuppa.

Hop to it

THE wife of reader Scott Winterson told him she was dissatisfied with herself for not doing enough physical exercise. “I told her that wasn’t true,” says Scott. “She’s always jumping to conclusions.”

Word puzzle

TO stimulate Diary readers intellects, Matt Doyle, from Mount Florida, Glasgow, asks which three words have the most letters? The answer is, of course: The post office.

Tree-mendous music?

OUT for a stroll, reader Melvyn Miller says he came across a Sydney Devine record nailed to a tree. “So I took it,” adds Melvin. “You never know when you’ll need a nail.”

Addressing the problem

BORIS Johnson’s new son is called Wilfred. James Barker doesn’t think it a good choice. Our reader’s late brother was also named Wilfred.

“Some friends called him Will or Wilf. Others chose Fred,” explains James, who adds: “Poor Will/Fred/Wilf ended up with an identity crisis. When I asked how he’d like to be addressed, he rolled his eyes and said: ‘Oi, you!’ was fine with him.”

Wrong steps

ANOTHER of our unlikely stories (We hope it’s not true, at any rate). “I’ll never forger my grandfather’s last words to me before he died,” says reader Bob Cronin. And what were those words? “Hey! Are you still holding that ladder?”