ACTOR David Tennant has been busy over lockdown. While staying home he has managed to star in a Catherine Tate comedy sketch, host Have I Got News For You and become a TikTok sensation. (Don’t ask. It’s something those pesky kids are into.)

Next he will star alongside Michael Sheen in a six-part BBC lockdown sitcom, Staged.

But how does David perform with such exuberance while confined? The answer is he’s got previous. For several years he dazzled while penned-up inside an old fashioned police box.

Doctor Who. It teaches you all sorts of useful skills…

Doesn’t add up

AMBITIONS can be crushing when they don’t come to fruition, as reader Mike Priestley knows. “I harboured an unrealistic dream of becoming a mathematician,” he reveals. “Guess that was just pi in the sky.”

Gone to pot

THE 12-year-old son of reader Melony Portis is a clever chap. Gazing out the window on a dreich day, he muttered: “I wish the world was a Pot Noodle.”

His mother asked why. The youngster pointed to the rain dashing the window.

“A Pot Noodle improves when you add water,” he explained.

Spirited away

“I GOT a loan to pay for an exorcism,” explains Martin Lee. “If I don’t pay it back I’ll be repossessed.”

Godot on Clyde

WE continue formulating ideas for the resumption of Glasgow-based soap River City, currently on sabbatical. Philip Doyle suggests it could tackle themes similar to Beckett’s existential play Waiting For Godot. Our reader supplies a sample scene, set in favourite River City location The Tall Ship pub. The lines can be performed by any characters. In this example they’re male.

Bloke 1: We’re here. Here. Why are we here?

Bloke 2: When have we been anywhere else?

Bloke 1: A wee swallie. It’s meant to come. Eventually. In a pint glass. Plus two packs of cheese and onion crisps.

Bloke 2: Yes. Yes! We’re waiting for Tennent’s. When will Tennent’s arrive?

The blokes wait. Tennent’s doesn’t arrive. End.

Going for broke

A THEATRICAL lesson from reader Stephen Thompson. “Why do we tell actors to break a leg?” he asks. “Because every play has a cast.”

Class act

THE mother of Charles Perry, from Ayr, is a film buff who knows loads about movie stars. Though how she judges their performances can be eccentric.

Watching a Cary Grant movie at home, she said: “Isn’t Cary talented? He’s never looked at the camera once.”

Melody and malady

WE end on a sad note. The uncle of reader Peter Duffy was crushed by a piano. “His funeral was very low key,” sobs Peter.