Brought to book

WRITER Adam Sharp has been listing on social media the expressions different countries use to describe a person who reads a lot. The English-language version is a bookworm, of course. But Adam explains that in Indonesia it’s a book flea; an ink drinker in French; a reading horse in Danish; and a read-rat in Germany.

The Diary wonders if there’s a specific expression Scots could develop for citizens passionate about reading.

Perhaps an ‘On-Yer-Bahookie-Devouring-A-Booky’ type?

Horsing around

SCOTTISH horseman Jim Goldie once trained a pony called Goninodaethat, which amused Ian Noble from Carstairs Village. Especially when he listened to English TV commentators struggling to pronounce its name. Often they referred to the poor animal using the Irish-sounding moniker Gonin O'daythat.

“I met Jim last year,” recalls Ian. “I suggested when he next names a horse, he should call it Jeestgonino.”

Legging it

WHEN she was young, Scott Squad actress Susan Riddell didn’t understand the words to a certain Andy Stewart song. She believed he was singing: “Donald wears your troosers.”

Understandable this sartorial imposition didn’t go down well with Susan, who demanded to know why the greedy fellow insisted on wearing everyone’s troosers, and wasn’t satisfied to merely wear his own.

Fashion disaster

READERS continue recalling amusing messages written on T-shirts. Former policeman Ewan Smart once pulled over a driver weaving about the road erratically. “The bloke in the car argued persuasively that he was sober,” says Ewan. “Though his T-shirt grassed him in. Across his chest was written: Let’s Go To The Pub.”

Bru ballyhoo

ACTOR Martin Compston plays an anti-corruption cop in TV show Line of Duty. Though it’s the sneaky activities of his own family that Martin must stay alert to detect. He reveals that his dad used to complain that there was no difference between the taste of regular Irn-Bru and the diet version.

One day Martin spotted the labels of a diet and non-diet bottle had been switched. Dad was hovering nearby, eager to witness his son being taken in by his crafty trick.

“He stared at me ready to pounce,” says Martin. “Left in a huff when I said it tasted funny.”


“WHY is your nose in the middle of your face?” asks reader Helen Gray. “Because it’s the ‘scenter’.”

So-so science

WE continue debating whether or not the earth is flat. “Lemonade goes flat minutes after being poured,” points out reader Gordon Dale. “The earth’s been around for 4.54 billion years. Surely it must be a little flat by now?”

Veg with vim

GOOFY gag time. “What do you call a carrot that talks back to you?” asks reader Hugh Manning. “A fresh vegetable.”