PROTEST group Extinction Rebellion underlined its commitment to environmental activism by organising a mass disco outside Buckingham Palace. Reader Paul Murphy believes the group's energetic shaking, sashaying and shimmying will prove to be in vain.

“If dodgy dancing made the world a greener place,” he says, “then that huge hole in the ozone layer would have closed in 1977, when Saturday Night Fever was released.”

Languorous landmark

WE’RE attempting to discover who was the laziest person of all time. A previous suggestion was the near-comatose culprit who came up with the name Loch Loch (A genuine location in Perth and Kinross).

Brian Wadham argues the prize must surely go to the man or woman who named a certain village in Dumfries and Galloway. A village known to one and all as… Ae.

Two vowels, no consonants. It could almost be an abandoned round of Countdown.

Which surely puts the person who came up with it near the summit of our League Table of Tit-Top Torpor Types.

Commons sense?

THE Speaker of the House of Commons wants MPs tested daily for the coronavirus. “Could they test for common sense at the same time?” requests Malcolm Boyd, from Milngavie.

Regretfully, the Diary is not persuaded that Malcolm’s plan would work. After all, it would surely necessitate putting the majority of our MPs in lockdown for life.

Aristocratic antics

ANOTHER phrase that can be used in the theatre and the bedroom. Agnes Walker suggests an expression popular with actors. It’s also whispered in amorous tones by the occupants of certain louche boudoirs in our nation’s grandest mansions. The phrase is, of course: “The butler did it.”

Ham-fisted invention

BIG-BRAINED boffin Elon Musk is working on technology that will allow people to control computers using brainwaves. He promoted his research by revealing his team had implanted microchips into the heads of three pigs.

Reader Brian Miller isn’t impressed. He says: “Someone should tell Musk that ham radio has been around for ages.”

Water mistake

ON his first visit back to the gym, Sandy Tuckerman hoped to shift some flab. Though he was put off somewhat by the nincompoop on the exercise bike next to his who had placed a bottle of water in the Pringles holder.

Bum deal

WE were curious to know why people wear bum-bags at the front. Reader Margie Dobson gives the perfect answer. “So they don’t get pinched,” she explains.

Food for thought

DEPRESSED reader Stan Cooper cheered himself up by comfort eating. “Now my breath smells of fabric conditioner,” he sighs.