GLASGOW. City of glamour. City of splendour. Plus it boasts an abundance of all those indispensable things you’ll find in any truly significant global metropolis. Lampposts. Pavements. More lampposts.

Glasgow’s got the lot… or perhaps not.

On social media Zoe Kleinman, a BBC News Technology reporter, doesn’t appear to be delighted about her department’s move from London to the Dear Green Place.

“The BBC's decision-making is way above my paygrade,” she grumps. “And I can't comment on it, except to say it is a personal and painful moment for my amazing team and I.”

Someone should tell Zoe about the lampposts and pavements. That would cheer her up.

Morbid moniker

A FRIEND of reader Harry Cathcart heard a rumour that the local funeral director, James Auld, was going into partnership with a chap named Willie Dunn. Alas, this proved not to be the case, so there won’t be an undertakers going by the name of Auld and Dunn.

TV or not TV?

EAGLE-EYED reader Bob Jamieson has spotted an advert for a second-hand telly which reads: "Screen works perfectly, but one button missing from volume control. £50."

“At that price, you can’t turn it down,” concludes Bob.

Reveller's lament

STIRLING novelist Ross Sayers isn’t content to merely enjoy the thrills of putting pen to paper. He demands mystery and drama in everything he does… including when he’s eating chocolate.

“Always enjoy a bag of Revels,” he admits. “Never know which one you're going to get. Apart from the Minstrel ones. All the rest are round and the Minstrel ones are flat.”

With a barely-suppressed snarl, he adds: “They don't do enough to disguise the Minstrel ones, quite frankly. Lets the side down.”

Titchy teach

OUR dalliance with the Latin language continues. Several of our readers recall that in the late 1950s and early 60s there was a Latin teacher at Greenock Academy, the much-respected Cameron Love.

He happened to be a chap of small stature, which led to him being affectionately known as Amamus, which translates as We(e) Love.

Stomach trouble

A DIARY feature about horse racing reminds Russell Smith of a gambling chum who once told him that he thought he was on to a good thing with a gee-gee named Bare Belly. Unfortunately it was scratched at the start.

Sadly he’s dyed

DISTRAUGHT reader Malcolm Derry gets in touch to say: “I just heard the inventor of auto correct died. I didn’t even know he was I’ll.”

Read more: Remember when...