A SCHOOL tale in the Diary reminds Gordon Fisher, from Stewarton, of teaching English in Glasgow’s east end. Our readers will be aware that Higher English pupils must provide a folio of their own original writing. One young scholar, who had previously shown little interest in the course, submitted an outstanding extract from a short story he claimed was his own.

Smelling a rat, his teacher took a segment from the story and ran it through Google Advanced search, which concluded the tale was actually the work of a certain Stephen King, bestselling author.

Informed of this intriguing development, the young scholar was asked if he had anything to say for himself.

Not missing a beat, he replied: "Aye. I cannae believe that ******* stole my story."

Time flies

THE following vignette, supplied by our court correspondent David Donaldson, reflects the unique genius of the Scottish legal system.

Counsel: How did you get the injury to your face?

Witness: She threw a cloak at me.

Counsel (swishes gown sarcastically): You are telling the jury you were injured by... a cloak?

Witness: She took the cloak aff the mantelpiece and threw it at me.


THE ageing process is a wondrous thing when it involves squished grapes, a bottle and a cork. Though when you replace the squished grapes, the bottle and the cork with something slightly more perishable – the human body, for instance – the aging process becomes a tad less wondrous.

Coming to terms with this sad truth, reader Jim Hamilton tells us: “One minute you’re young and fun. The next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.”

Eggcellent idea

A RELIGIOUS parable. Reader Lilly Hollis was telling a friend she had bought a splendid chocolate Easter egg.

Her chum, who isn’t remotely devout though does have a sweet tooth, replied: “Not fair! Where’s the egg-shaped goodies for chocoholic atheists?”

Questionable appointment

A BISHOPBRIGGS Bhoy informs us he’s thrilled by rumours about who the next Celtic manager will be. He’s now looking forward to newspaper headlines such as: ‘Why Howe ?’,’Howe No?’ and ‘Howe, Will This Work Out?’

Legging it

WE’RE devising jingles, based on famous songs, to promote local businesses once lockdown ends. John Little, from Suffolk, believes hosiery shop sales will be sensational if they use the Moody Blues classic... Tights In White Satin.

Margarita massacre

AN economic query from reader Bill Ferguson: “If a Domino’s Pizza restaurant goes bust, do the other restaurants in the chain then go bust, one after the other?”