Unfortunate encounter

THE things people do for entertainment. Reader Pam Thompson once arranged an amusing afternoon with some gal pals. The plan was to drop in at a wine bar, followed by a visit to a local psychic.

When the gang arrived at the fortune teller’s house one of the ladies, who was now rather tipsy, said to the mystic miss dealing the Tarot cards: “So I’m guessing that I cross your palm with silver. You say something vague and meaningless. I conclude it’s deep and profound. Then everyone toddles off home happy.”

The psychic then proved to be an astute predictor of the future when she accurately prophesied that every single one of the gal pals would vacate the premises without having their fortunes told, which they duly did.

(Admittedly with the forceful encouragement of the psychic.)

Flight of fancy

THE Diary is extolling the virtues of alliterative occupations. We believe it’s foolhardy to hire anyone who is not called Paul the Plumber or Eddie the Electrician. With this sound advice in mind, Malcolm Boyd from Milngavie says that perhaps it would be unwise to fly away on holiday unless Pontius is the pilot.

Taking the biscuit

OBSERVANT reader David Donaldson spotted cookie cutters for sale that imprinted on biscuits a selection of tender messages that captured the warm-hearted spirit of our modern age.

Messages such as: “Stop talking”, “I hope you choke” and “Please go die”.

Bus bust-up

A DIARY tale about the confusing aspects of the English language reminds reader Brian Farish of demonstrations that were held in Edinburgh prior to the 1968 closure of the Corstorphine branch rail line.

At the time the Edinburgh Transport Manager was named Ronald Cox and he stated that his buses could easily cope with the additional passengers displaced from the trains. The pro-rail demonstrators were outraged and within days the city was festooned with posters pugnaciously declaring: “Hands off Cox!”

Booze buddies

TWO ladies were overheard chatting in a watering hole in Glasgow’s west end by reader Cheryl Brennan.

“They say one glass a day is good for you,” said the first lady, holding aloft her wine glass.

“True,” replied her chum. “But they don’t say how many times you should fill it up.”

Food for thought

“I USED to love eating chips,” says reader Dan Kent. “But then they threw me out of the casino.”

The short answer

QUESTION of the day from reader Jim Hamilton: “What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?”

The answer, of course, is: “Short.”

Read more: Reservoir Dogs and poetic logs