Cartoon capers

GLASGOW has always been an epicentre for the dramatic and unpredictable. Just ask any shell-shocked survivor of the city’s fabled night bus.

Though as we’ve been reporting, the Dear Green Place has become even more epic and adventurous now the latest Indiana Jones flick is filming in the town centre, where Glasgow is standing in for a 1960s-style American metropolis.

James Findlay briefly paused to ogle all the commotion when he spotted a huge team of film extras, all dressed as US sailors.

A fellow rubbernecker standing next to our reader said: “Somebody better find an army of Olive Oyls, sharpish, or those Popeyes are gonna riot.”

Naughtiness a no-no

THE Diary's passion for polite, non-prurient language prompts reader Alasdair Sinclair to recall Dunoon Grammar School in the 1960s, which managed to avoid any hint of scholarly impropriety by having inscribed on the staffroom doors "Masters" and… "Lady Teachers".

Full of beans

WE adore an inspirational tale involving positivity and personal improvement. Jennifer Brown from Paisley supplies us with one such narrative when she tells us: “Before my morning coffee I hate everyone.”

Proving that obstacles really can be overcome, she adds: “After my morning coffee I feel good about hating everyone.”

Life lesson

ANOTHER story concerning those astute philosophers you often come across in that academy of knowledge and wisdom also referred to as the local boozer. Reader Ken Hannan overheard one wobbly-legged chap at the bar say to another: ”Y’know, people always say that everything happens for a reason.”

The second fellow replied: “Aye, and sometimes the reason is that yer a daft bam who keeps screwin’ up.”

Revolting truth

THE advent of yet another birthday, a mere 12 months after his last one, has resulted in reader David Donaldson falling into deep and profound contemplation: “You know you are old the day you realise that a revolution has taken place,” he sighs. “Your body, for so long your loyal servant, is now in command of you and is only interested in being taken to the doctor, the dentist, the optician, the chiropodist and the occasional funeral.”

Sofa… so bad

CONFUSED reader Martin Nevill gets in touch to say: ”This guy at the furniture store told me that a sofa I was looking at would seat five people without any problems. The thing is, I don’t know five people without any problems.”

Getting the bullet

QUERY of the day from reader Don Preston, who says: “If a human cannonball loses his job, does that mean he isn’t fired?”

Read more: Missing out on a fortune through drink