Return to sender
STRATHAVEN resident Nan Livingstone reckoned she had come up with the perfect answer to a birthday present dilemma for a relative. She would order a bottle of single malt whisky from Amazon.
All seemed to be going as planned with the expensive cratur delivered on time. But there was a problem. The young fellow who brought the whisky to Nan’s door wasn’t for handing it over without proof of age.
Nan explained to the young fellow that, unfortunately, she had neither passport nor driving licence. As a result the birthday bottle was returned to the depot from whence it came.
"Now, you can understand that Amazon have a legal responsibility to make sure their customers are of age,” says Nan. “But they may have been a little over cautious.”
Nan Livingstone is 98 years old.
Biblical bud’
PUGNACIOUS political pontificator Nigel Farage has joined GB News, the broadcasting station launched by Paisley’s very own Andrew Neil.
Farage, who will anchor a current affairs show, is a rather divisive chap. If you could pour a family-sized jar of Marmite into an empty double-breasted suit it would probably have some sort of resemblance to Nigel.
Andrew Adonis, the splendidly named Blairite politico, is certainly no fan of either Farage or the high heed yin of GB News.
On social media Adonis harrumphs: “So, as many of us always argued, Andrew Neil was John the Baptist to Farage.”
This surely is thrilling news for biblical scholars. Who could have guessed that John the Baptist was a Paisley buddy?
Nature in revolt
A DISTURBING revelation from reader Pete Hartley who informs us that 80s pop icon Gary Numan is actually thirteen days older than actor Gary Oldman.
“Surely this goes against the laws of nature?” says our dismayed correspondent.
Devious about doggy
CRAFTY canine owner Scott Merton says: “I named my dog 'Five Miles'. Now I tell people I walk Five Miles twice a day.”
Apothegm stratagem
A DIARY tale about a youthful shopkeeper who didn’t understand a traditional aphorism leads reader David Donaldson to surmise that there must be numerous classic proverbs that youngsters find baffling or outdated.
He concludes that we should replace fusty phrases with fresh-n-frisky new versions. For starters, he suggests: “One man's Quorn is another man's poison.”
Flight of fancy
UNLIKELY story of the day from reader Walter Perry, who says: “I bought a new plane the other day. Disappointed they didn’t let me keep the hanger.”
Spade is ace
“WAS there ever a more ground-breaking invention than the shovel?” enquires reader Bob McPake.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here