Ambulation with amputations

A DIARY tale about lost limbs reminds reader Fraser Kelly of being a student nurse in the Western Infirmary in Glasgow, where he once attended a double below-knee amputation.

Afterwards Fraser was ordered to change into civilian clothes and return to the operating theatre, whereupon he was handed two large yellow bags, containing the legs.

He was told to take them to the Gardiner Institute of Medicine, which at the time meant leaving via the casualty main entrance and turning right down Great Western Road.

Strolling along the street carrying his curious package, Fraser spied a police patrol heading towards him.

At which point he realised he might have some explaining to do…

Luckily Strathclyde’s finest sauntered on by without a word, and Fraser legged it to his destination.

Luggage lowdown

THOUGHT for the day from reader Iain Lucas: “Why do we use the phrase emotional baggage? It should be griefcase."

Watch the birdie

THE local pigeons of Glasgow’s Central Station are not a source of delight for the vast majority of exhausted commuters, who usually dismiss them as feathered vagabonds. Reader Ted Burt overheard a young English girl with a different opinion.

Standing in the station with her father, she pointed to a bird hopping past with a half-eaten sandwich in its beak. In a cut-glass accent, sounding very much like Audrey Hepburn, she trilled: “Dad, isn’t that a handsome-looking pigeon? Isn’t it impressive?”

The father, perhaps more world-weary than his daughter, merely replied: “Looks like your average sort of pigeon to me.”

Liquid’s no loser

OFFICE politics can be complicated. A reader tells us her favourite colleague is the water cooler in the corridor.

“It always does its job, never complains, never gossips,” says our reader. “I can’t say that about anybody else I work with.”

Fragile fellows

STROLLING in Glasgow’s West End, author Deedee Cuddihy overhead a chap in his thirties talking on his phone: "If we all had crystal balls, Ian, we'd be able to make that decision up front. But we don't," said this fellow.

“I couldn't help wondering if crystal balls is some kind of ‘man condition’,” says a concerned Deedee.

Wheely bad idea

ANOTHER occasion made awkward by inappropriate musical accompaniment. A reader recalls being in hospital and taken to church in a wheelchair along with other patients.

The organist thought it appropriate to play Stand Up, Stand Up for Jesus.

Alas, none of the congregants could.

Wall warbler

“MY wife asked me to stop singing Wonderwall,” says reader Doug McAdams. “I said maybe…”