Fiery fellow

TO a much reduced, though still rejoicing Edinburgh Festival, where reader Kirk Owen spies a chap on the cobbled, cosmopolitan streets tossing in the air various knives, axes and other pointy objects, all of which are liable to give a fellow more than just a paper cut.

The knife-thrower is no mere litter lout, for he insists on catching the objects, too.

It transpires that he is a street performer, and our reader is impressed when the chap introduces himself to the gathering crowd with a roar: “Make way for the Mighty Darren!”

“I suppose he had no choice but to become a daredevil juggler,” points out our reader.

“With a name like the Mighty Darren it would be a tad awkward if he was a librarian.”

Bricking it

WE remain in Edinburgh, where visiting Glaswegian Fiona Leith is outraged to spot on the Royal Mile a statue of David Hume with a traffic cone on his head.

Fiona harrumphs: “The traffic-cone-on-head genre of public art is copyrighted by Glasgow. This is barefaced plagiarism.”

Our reader boldly states that there is only one way to rectify the situation. “I’m bringing some hefty lads to steal your castle, Edinburgh,” says Fiona. “We’re nabbing that sucker, brick by brick.”

Cup runneth over

STANDING in a late night taxi queue, reader Veronica Rushton overheard two scantily clad debutantes chatting.

One girl glanced down at the top she was wearing, or not quite wearing.

“D’ye hink I’m overflowin’ a wee bit much?” she said, referring to her decolletage, much of which was on display.

The other girl scrutinised the area referred to for some time, then said: “Overflowin’? Niagara Falls is a drippin’ tap compared tae you.”

Killer comment

THOUGHTFUL reader Jennifer Robinson says: “If I was Snow White you’d never be able to kill me with an apple. You’d have to poison profiteroles.”

Grief with gorgon

“I WISH Medusa would stop objectifying people,” says reader Neil Black.

Cold cash

ANOTHER Edinburgh yarn. George Edwards from Motherwell took his young grandson to our capital city for the day, to see the sights.

The only sight the young lad was interested in seeing was an ice-cream van.

Such a vehicle was found and two ice-creams were bought. For a cost of just under ten pounds.

“I can’t wait till my grandson’s old enough to drink,” says George. “Taking him to the pub for a heavy session will be cheaper.”

Food for thought

TECHNOLOGICALLY savvy reader Keith Duncan says: “Apparently you can’t use ‘beef stew’ as a password. It’s not stroganoff.”