Cartoon capers

THE triumphs of youth are but fleeting, claims Gordon Fisher from Stewarton. The other day he found himself shaking his head despondently while complaining to his wife that he longs for the glory days when he was writing humorous material for STV.

Gordon’s missus looked at him with pride, then exclaimed: "Wow! All these years and I didn't know you’d been a comedy writer for our national independent television station."

"Oh yes,” said Gordon, revelling in the sort of smug satisfaction that is only ever experienced by an author who is revered in his lifetime. “I had several jokes read out by Glen Michael on Cartoon Cavalcade."

Water palaver

WHILE checking the North Lanarkshire Leisure website for updated information, Gerry McElroy from Cumbernauld came across the following message for the Time Capsule in Coatbridge: “As well as a change to our booking system showers will now be operational and there will be no limits on spectating numbers.”

The Diary was aware that there are many energetic activities to be enjoyed in North Lanarkshire, though we didn’t realise that splashing around in hot, soapy water is now a spectator sport in those parts.

Questionable activity

DUBIOUS Diary contact Bob Fowler says: “I’m selling a broken pub quiz machine online. No questions asked.”

Boyfriend blues

WE’RE recalling the glories of Strathclyde Uni’s student union, which is leaving its long-term home on John Street.

Rod Trimble once attempted to chat up a fellow student in the bar. He assumed he was coming across rather favourably until the girl pointed to one of the bouncers by the door, and informed Rod that this burly chap was her boyfriend.

Rod nervously glanced over at the bouncer.

“Don’t worry,” said the girl. “He won’t be jealous. He knows I’m only into good-looking guys.”


PERSUASIVE Susan Briggs from Paisley got her husband to visit a gym for the first time. He returned looking grumpy, so Susan said that surely some of the equipment must have inspired him.

“Put it this way,” he said, “my favourite machine was the vending machine.”

Passion for pedantry

“I’VE got this habit of continually correcting people’s grammar,” admits Ian Noble from Carstairs Village, though he’s trying to cut down.

The other day he corrected a colleague for using “went” instead of “gone” and she responded in exasperation, “Why are you so dogmatic?”

“I think you mean pedantic,” said Ian.

Mushrooming concerns

FORGING a career in fungus identification is rather dull, claims reader Russell Boyd: “Every day, it's just say mould, say mould.”

Read more: Arthur's Seat of learning