Option: Olivia

THE sad death of drummer Charlie Watts has inspired the Diary to assess the impact of The Rolling Stones.

Reader Jack McDaniel recalls his attempt to make new friends during Fresher’s Week while attending Aberdeen University in the early 1980s.

He tried to open a window into the soul of one fellow student he was talking to at the bar by enquiring if the bloke preferred The Beatles or Stones.

The chap merely shrugged and said: “Neither. At the moment I’ve got The Greatest Hits of Olivia Newton-John on my turntable.”

Our reader adds: “That saved me a lot of precious time. I shuffled along the bar and tried to make friends with someone else entirely.”

Proper Charlie

CHILDREN’S picture book The Tiger Who Came To Tea has come under fire from a Scottish charity for ‘reinforcing gender inequality’ because the story includes a stay-at-home mum and father who goes out to work.

Reader Brenda Moir believes the immorality of all children’s literature should be reversed, starting with Roald Dahl’s oeuvre.

“That man was responsible for millions of rotting teeth,” she says. “Which is why his most famous book should be rewritten as Charlie and The Gluten Free Salad Bar.”

Dog day afternoon

POPULAR Glasgow crime scribe Denise Mina has completed her latest magnum opus, and having written many novels before she’s feeling rather blasé about this, revealing she’ll now be: “Air-punching, bursting into song, ruffling the hair of passing street urchins and patting dogs all day.”


We wonder how she reacts after finishing a Sudoku puzzle.

Iron-ic comment

THOUGHT for the day from reader Daniel Fletcher, who says: “The heart is such a strong muscle because it’s constantly pumping iron.”

Momentous mountainous moment

THE various members of Edinburgh’s Carnethy Hill Running Club managed to bag all Scotland’s Munros in a single day, which is an incredibly achievement.

Though not according to reader Bruce Johnson.

“Big deal,” he shrugs. “Yesterday I managed to bag all my shopping in under a minute.”

Pillow talk

THE perils of marriage include dealing with someone who snores. The wife of reader Bert Thomas decided to get separate beds to escape the niggles of hubby’s nocturnal nasal noiseathon.

Though she later reversed her decision.

“Couldn’t spend a night without me?” said Bert.

“It’s not that,” his wife replied. “I just hate the idea of dealing with two unmade beds every morning.”

Bored with bangers

“I GOT fed up working at a sausage factory,” says reader Alex Martin. “I just sat there staring at the Wall’s.”