Chicken din… ner

SUPERGROUP ABBA have reformed in order to make new music. Inquisitive Still Game actor Sanjeev Kohli has managed to discover some more information about their future gigs.

“They’ve started rehearsing for that new ABBA concert,” he reveals. “It was incredibly loud. You could hear the drums from Nando’s.”

Born slippy

THE Diary continues to guess which tune enticed light-footed politician Michael Gove onto the dancefloor in an Aberdeen nightclub. Reader Anna Atkinson says it was probably a song predicting the future glories of Gove’s political career.

In other words, Mad Moves Mike was jigging along to Paul Simon’s… Slip, Slidin’ Away.

Mugging off colleagues

MANY people are still working from home, points out reader Emma Broughton, and she has a top tip for those who remain in this situation.

“Blowing on the wine in your mug will help to convince your Zoom meeting that your tea is hot,” she says.

Let’s get physical

DETERMINED to get herself fighting fit, Lisa Copper from Whitecraigs signed on for an aerobics class at the local gym.

“I bent over, twisted around, gyrated and jumped up and down for an hour,” says Lisa. “Though by the time I got my leotard on the class was over.”

Food for thought

A DIARY tale about the horrors of discovering a creepy-crawly on your plate of food inspires Malcolm Macintyre from Lesmahagow to get in touch to point out that there is something far worse:

“Finding half a creepy-crawly on your plate.”

Boozy badinage

VISITING his local hostelry during the weekend, reader Christopher Oats overheard one chap at the bar say to his friend, who had downed rather a lot of pints: “You’re gonnie regret all that boozin’, come the mornin’.”

His chum replied: “A dinnae hink so. There’s no way I’m gonnie be awake till the afternoon.”

Dead funny

IN a morbid frame of mind, reader Pete Harris has been mulling over what he wants his final words to be, as he lies on his deathbed. He’s now decided on: “I left a million pounds under the…”

Toothy trouble

THE Diary presents a dramatic vignette involving cosmetic dentistry and a Central European nation, courtesy of reader Maurice Doyle…

Maurice said to his dentist: “I want my teeth whiter.”

The dentist said: “Have you tried polish?”

Maurice said: “Chcieć moich zębów biały.”

His dentist ignored him.

Fido filches

“I TRAINED my dog to fetch beer,” says reader Grant Watson. “It may not sound that impressive, but he gets them from the neighbours fridge.”