Pie eyed

WE recently discussed a ‘rare’ delicacy enjoyed by a reader visiting Canada, which on further investigation turned out to be the sort of treat you can enjoy anywhere.

Reader Bob Collins recalls visiting his grandma in Shettleston every Saturday for lunch, as a child.

As a treat Gran always made what she called her "Extra Special Secret Recipe Steak & Kidney Pie".

When Bob asked what the secret was, gran revealed it was an ancient concoction, handed down from mother to daughter over generations.

“Then one day I caught her preparing the age-old recipe,” says Bob. “She had a can opener in one hand, a Fray Bentos pie tin in the other.

“Gran thought it was hilarious. I wasn’t amused.”

Scary skippy

THE sparkling table talk amongst the Glasgow cognoscenti currently revolves around the number of roving rodents scuttling round the city. If you haven’t spotted a rat on its perambulations, you just haven’t arrived, da’ling.

Craig Griffiths recalls growing up in the city’s East End in the 1970s, when such sightings were more commonplace. One evening he was strolling to the shops with his older brother when he spotted a rat on the pavement. Our reader, being a manly little chap, shrieked.

His brother, trying to calm him down, came up with the line: “Dinnae worry. It’s just a wee Scottish version of an Ozzie kangaroo. Y’know, like Skippy.”

Jaws of despair

THE scene is a bar in Paisley, where reader Barry Casper spotted an elderly couple sitting in frosty silence, suddenly broken by the man who said: “I telt you tae leave ma new teeth well alone. But onything that’s mine, you’ve got tae huv a go, eh?”

Biological brevity

SCIENTIFICALLY-MINDED reader Cal Miller provides us with a handy guide to chromosomes:

XY = Male

XX = Female

YYY = Delilah

Chp fstvl

THE hubby of Kate Stewart was reading about the TRNSMT music festival held in Glasgow Green. He wasn’t impressed.

“When we had music shindigs in my day,” he grumbled, “the organisers could always afford to splash out on a few vowels to go with the syllables.”

Timely tale

A STORY of a conscientious worker. Reader Marc Hall asked his boss if he could leave work early. “My boss said yes, if I made up the time,” says Marc. “So I said, ‘Sure, it’s twenty past fourteen.’”

Passing familiar

A HANDY hint from reader Tony Thompson: “Change your password to ‘incorrect’ and then if you can’t quite remember it, your computer will say your password is incorrect.”

Read more: The best fish in the world? There's a catch ...