Space oddity

IT’S lucky that Fife comedian Richard Pulsford is a talented stand-up, because his attempts to change career have sadly come to naught.

“I've received a rejection letter from NASA,” says Richard. “Strangely, it says there's no space on their training programme.”

What a mug

ONE of the delights of being a university fresher is that organisations are apt to toss free stuff your way. Very occasionally the free stuff can even be useful. For instance, we hear that Cathouse, the famous Glasgow rock venue, is handing out mugs at the Freshers Festival in Argyle Street today.

And these aren’t just any old mugs. Oh, no. For as Cathouse proudly proclaims: “These things can hold both hot AND cold liquids and it has a handle!”

(To be fair, a mug with a handle is an exotic item when located in student digs. Most students prefer to sip their liquid refreshments out of empty ashtrays, or straight from the Tennents can.)

Taking a powder

WHILE we’re on the subject of fluids. Reader Wendy McCullough unearthed from the back of a cupboard a rusty old tin of the once-popular powdered milk called Marvel.

She showed it to her young granddaughter, who was most intrigued. “How do you squirt powdered milk out of a cow?” inquired the little girl.

Testing times

THE daughter of Angela Thompson from Cumbernauld sat a high school English test. The teen was not delighted about the situation.

“What’s the point of learning novels, plays and poetry?” she grumped. “It’s the 21st century. I should be tested on celebrity Instagram posts.”

Our reader says: “I wanted to tell her not to be so silly, but she’s right. School lessons will probably be delivered by TikTok videos, too.”

Country matters

SCOTTISH actor and star of TV show Outlander, Grant O’Rourke, is feeling a tad confused about our baffling countryside. “People who climb big hills in Scotland: when are you peeing?” he asks. “Do you just hold it in till you get back down? Or do you pee off the top? What if it's windy?”

Party pooped

THE ageing process explained. “When I was young I'd sneak out of the house to go to parties,” says reader Belinda Murray. “Now I sneak out of parties to go home.”

Feisty face-off

IN a cruel mood, reader Eric Hill says he has changed his name on Facebook to ‘No one’. He adds: “Now when I see idiotic posts I can click ‘like’ and it will say ‘No one likes this'.”

Read more: That man Friday on the factory floor