High Society Hijinx
THE Met Gala in New York has been described as the fashion event of the year. In other words, it’s a bunch of well-connected folk swaggering about in ultra-expensive hats, shoes, frocks and trousers.
And just to make things a tad confusing, the hats are often worn as shoes, while the frocks and trousers drip from the wrists like bangles.
But that’s high fashion, da’ling!
At this week’s shimmering shindig some people even turned up in costumes displaying prominent labels attacking the mega rich.
Inevitably it was the mega rich who wore these lavish creations. Nobody else could afford them.
That’s the problem with the Met Gala. It’s a tad too exclusive.
Unlike the Diary.
To prove we are democratic in our daffiness, we once again invite all and sundry to enjoy today’s classic tales from our archives…
Stepping out
A GREENOCK reader heard a chap in the pub tell his pals that going home drunk the previous night had been one of his worst nights ever. When they asked why, he told them: “I stood at the bottom of the stairs, drunk. So I decided to take off my clothes and shoes and tiptoe upstairs.”
That didn’t sound so bad, said his pals, until he added: “Then I realised I was still on the bus.”
Animal angst
“WHAT’S your pet hate?” asked the young girl of her friend on the bus into Glasgow. “Having her squeaky toy hidden,” replied the friend, perhaps misunderstanding the question.
Jaws of despair
A READER overheard a middle-aged woman in a Glasgow coffee shop tell her friends about her latest dating disaster. “I told him during the meal that he had something stuck between his teeth,” she said. After a pause, she added: “He then took them out to see what it was.”
Peddle pinching
WE recall when the triathlon first became popular, that rigorous sporting pursuit where competitors swim, ride a bike, then finish with a foot race. A reader watching one such competition in the Borders heard a fellow spectator shout the following words of encouragement to a competitor who had just started the bike leg of the event: “Now ride that bike like you’ve just nicked it!”
Journey of discovery
A TEACHER at Johnstone High School was about to intervene when he overheard a third-year boy ask his mate: “How faur huv you gaun wi’ a lassie?”
But he breathed a sigh of relief when the pal replied after a few seconds thought: “Paisley.”
The bog standard
A WELL-TRAVELLED Newton Mearns reader was visiting Vietnam where he bought a bottle of the country’s top selling mineral water, La Vie – French for ‘life’, of course – which was very nice. It was only when he looked at the company’s website address on the bottle, laviewater.com, that he felt it might lose its appeal to Glaswegian visitors.
Boozy banter
“I WAS stopped by a traffic cop” said the loudmouth in the pub. “He came up and asked me, ‘Do you know why I stopped you, sir?’ So I told him, ‘Well, if you can’t remember, I’m not going to remind you.’”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here