Engineering the truth?

GLASGOW solicitor Matthew Berlow has made an unsettling discovery which could help him with his casework going forward.

“I found out last night that for years I have been telling Arab clients, who speak no English, that I am an engineer in Arabic, rather than a lawyer,” he says.

No doubt his Middle Eastern clients are delighted to have Matthew in their corner, believing that in any problematic legal dispute, their engineer/lawyer will be supremely capable of throwing a spanner in the works…

Double-dose drop

A WISE reader recently offered up a deeply profound thought: "If at first you don’t succeed… skydiving is probably not for you."

Malcolm Boyd from Milngavie intrigues us by adding: “You don’t actually need a parachute to skydive.”

With a sage nod of his head, he explains: “You do, however, need a parachute should you wish to skydive twice.”

Beddy-bye bartering

CHATTY Larry Cheyne was yakking with his neighbour recently. She told him she had just had a man from a delivery van offer her a couple of 'spare' beds at a reasonable price.

Quick as a flash, she replied: “That's a tempting offer. Can I sleep on it?”

Charmless in church

A DIARY story with religious connotations reminds Cameron Merriweather from Larkhall of a minister (not his own) who used to stand at the church door and shake hands with the congregation as they left.

One Sunday morning a young lad shook hands, and as he did so, pressed a ten pound note into the minister's palm

"Oh dear," said the minister. "Why did you do that?"

"Well," said the boy. "My daddy says you’re the poorest preacher we've had."

Food for thought

BATHGATE comedian Fern Brady admits that there are times when she thinks she is common. Though she is quickly disabused of that notion while watching the participants on reality show Married At First Sight, when she realises with a jolt: “There's folk who don't know what coleslaw is.”

Wheely scary

WE’RE devising names to be emblazoned across the side of vans. John Mulholland points out that garden furniture could be transported in a vehicle made ever so slightly sinister after it has written on its side, in large spooky lettering… The Wicker Van.

Tray-mendous idea

A DIARY tale about a woman who procrastinated rather a lot reminds David Miller from Milngavie of a business owning client who had on his desk an ‘In Tray’, an ‘Out Tray’ and a ‘Too Difficult to Deal With Tray’.