Goo-goo-g’ who?

ARE extraterrestrials visiting our planet, asks a startled Martin Morrison from Lochinver, having heard that scientists are using satellite imaging to count walruses from space.

Now, it could be that it’s the satellites that are in space, counting walruses back here on earth.

However, without researching the pesky details of the story, our reader has concluded that it is in fact alien walruses, travelling from the far reaches of the galaxy, who are touching down on our planet.

Martin is astonished that such outlandish visitations have mostly gone unremarked upon.

There can be only one conclusion. The walruses are in disguise, no doubt wearing long raincoats with the collars turned up to camouflage their true identities.

Keep your eyes peeled on Sauchiehall Street, faithful reader. You may just spot a space walrus searching for bargains in TK Maxx…

Doubting dame

EAGLE-EYED reader Ken Watson spotted some rather topical graffiti on a wall in Paisley, which read: “Yer maw’s an Anti-Vaxxer. That’s why they call her Mrs Doubt-Pfizer.”

Bonnet Prince William

PRINCE William is meant to be a blue blood, though it increasingly seems likely that the stuff pumping through his veins is green, as in the political party. The earnest chap recently vowed to “repair the planet”.

Reader Billy Webb says William’s intriguing choice of words reminds him of his local car mechanic.

“Maybe we could fix the earth by having a quick look under the bonnet to make sure the carburettor's not gone kaput,” advises our ingenious correspondent.

Gurning about genre

RELAXING in a Glasgow city centre café, reader Patricia Watts overheard a lady sigh despondently, then say to her chum: “If only life had background music, like in the movies. Then I could figure out whether I’m in a romantic comedy or a horror film.”


THE teenage son of reader Anna Nevill is starting to consider career options, which is why he earnestly asked her: “What work can I do where I don’t have to work?”

Drive frew Renfrew

WE’RE devising names to be emblazoned across the side of vans. Comedian Andy Cameron gets in touch to ask: “If a white vehicle delivering to cinemas in the Renfrewshire area had Van Johnson on the side, would it be allowed through Elderslie?”

Jog on

“MY uncle announced on his seventy fifth birthday that he was taking up jogging,” says reader Ian Noble from Carstairs Village. “He very quickly reached his target of three kilometres per day. That was in 2017. We’ve no idea where he is now.”