Why fighting talk in Glasgow’s east end is for softies…

SPORTS fan Alf Munro used to work as a boxing club trainer in the east end of Glasgow. To get youngsters interested in the sport he visited a local school to give a classroom talk.

After he had explained in detail what professional fisticuffs was all about, he let 
the youngsters study the gym equipment he brought along, including a pair of boxing gloves.

One inquisitive scholar thrust a hand in the air.

“Yes?” said Alf.

“Surely they shouldnae be called boxing gloves,” said the earnest youth. “Urnie they just mittens?”


Wary weans 

A DIARY tale about a hungry but cautious teenager reminds David Donaldson of the years when his children were still small, and soup was a handy standby meal. The conversation between the kids and David’s wife Marion usually went like this:

Marion: Would you like some soup?

Kids: Did you make it?

Marion: No.

Kids: Yes please.


Fly guy

PICTURE fan Gordon Wright runs a photo library. On one occasion a book editor from London wrote to say he was coming to Edinburgh and would like to call in to see if Gordon had a selection of images of a particular Scottish writer. Gordon wrote back saying the chap would be, “welcome to rummage through my files”. 

There was no reply to this friendly message.

Several months later Gordon was sorting out a pile of copy letters and came across the missive to the London correspondent, and realised why the conversation had been so dramatically curtailed.

What Gordon had actually typed was: ‘You are welcome to rummage through my flies.’


Lingo low down

“I USED to own a swear jar,” says reader Barry Stewart. “But I changed it into a pessimism jar. Now every time I get negative feelings, I put a coin in it. It’s currently half-empty.”


Mind your language

TUGGING on a pair of stout walking boots, the Diary braces itself for a precipitous hike, as we clamber upwards into the clouds, accompanied by Ian Noble, from Carstairs Village, who is determined to take us on a trek into the moral high ground.  

“I’m appalled that many people seem totally unable to make a point on social media without descending into using profanity,” harrumphs Ian. “What the *££! do they teach at school these days?”


Food for thought

ENTREPRENEURIAL reader Susan Crawford has ambitions to open a restaurant named Karma. “There will be no menu,” says Susan. “You’ll get what 
you deserve.”



“I CAN’T stand Russian dolls,” says reader Anna Murray. “They are just so full of themselves.”