Cheesy change from Facebook to Meta


SOCIAL media site Facebook is rebranding itself as Meta. This rather meaningless and malleable moniker suggests to Diary correspondent, David Donaldson, that the company is eager to widen its field of operations and may soon be launching the following services:

Meta Betta – online gambling.

Meta Feta – cheese sales.

Meta Detta – payday loans.

Meta Veta – pets health insurance.

Meta Wetta – incontinence products.

Bon appe-treat


WITH COP26 under way, the mischievous chaps at the BBC’s Off The Ball radio show decided to ask their listeners a question: If they could offer a COP delegate a taste of Scotland, what is the one delicacy they would give them?

This led one culinary-minded fellow to suggest the scrummy Hebridean treat Ceann Cropaig, which is fish head stuffed with oats and liver.

The Diary thinks this sounds delicious. Though does it truly represent our nation’s sophisticated eating habits?

After all, it’s not even deep-fried.

Sheet happens


WHEW! We’re glad Halloween
is over for another year. Not because the Diary team is terrified of ghosties and ghoulies. It’s just that we grudge having to hand over our stash of sweeties to strangely attired children who impertinently knock on our drawbridge here at Herald Towers.

Halloween may be done with, though the haunting season is still upon us, which inspires reader Andrew Robinson to say: “I’ve just figured out that ghosts are people who died trying to fold a white fitted sheet.”

Cat v rat


TWO recent Herald articles caught the attention of reader Doug Maughan. One story reported there are more than
a million rats in Glasgow. The other noted there are a quarter of a million homeless cats in UK towns and cities.

“If we could find a way of bringing these two problems together, we would have a solution,” says Doug. “Anyone know a feline Pied Piper of Hamelin?”

Wetness wounds


THE Scottish weather is doing its Scottish weather thing again.
The thing it’s been doing for thousands of years. Yet it still manages to intrigue the natives.

Standing at a Motherwell bus stop, reader Pam Moore heard an elderly chap mutter to his wife: “Ach, it’s that wet rain again.
I can put up wi’ a lot. But no’ the wet rain.”

Future imperfect


SCOTTISH comedian Mark Nelson says: “The advantage of COP26 being in Glasgow is that world leaders get an immediate glimpse at what an apocalyptic world would look like.”

Cutting comment


THOUGHT for the day from reader Tony Bleeker, who says: “Every knife is a butter knife. Butter ain’t so tough.”