On the hunt

GLASWEGIANS have always been aware of a secret known only to themselves. Their city is like Mount Olympus, home of the Greek Gods.

A Glasgow chap will often be spotted, late in the evening, staggering from the pub, then glancing eagerly from left to right while sniffing the air.

In one sense he is merely a boozed-up bloke in search of a kebab shop.

But the deeper truth is that this fellow is a modern day version of Artemis, Greek goddess of the hunt. He will not rest until his prey is run to ground, and kebab sauce is dripping down his shirtfront.

Hollywood has lately learned of Glasgow’s mythical majesty, which explains why it was revealed this week that Batgirl will soon become the latest big budget superhero flick to be filmed in the city.

The Diary has always known of Glasgow’s adventurous side, as the following thrilling tales from our archives prove…

Chippy chappy

THE weird things that happen in that alternative universe otherwise known as Glasgow. A chap once told us he was driving along Alexandra Parade when he spotted a tramp sitting at a bus stop eating chips. When a jogger ran past, the tramp chased after her shouting: “Have one! You know you to want to!”

Added the driver: “The best of it was that she had her headphones on. She must have been the only one who was completely oblivious to the guy.”

Know thy enemy

THOSE pesky kids. They always ask unanswerable questions. Well, almost unanswerable… A reader was in Sauchiehall Street and saw a father with his young son passing a takeaway shop specialising in chicken dishes. The little fellow said: “Why do they have to kill chickens?”

No doubt his dad was exhausted with such queries, which explains why he replied: “Because chickens are man’s natural enemy.”

Motor mangled?

AS the weather got frosty a reader’s wife said to him one morning: “I’m going out to scrape the car.”

“Against what?” asked our reader.

Sick and tired

A GLASGOW chemistry teacher feared one of his pupils wasn’t particularly excited about the subject. He noticed on the scholar’s jotter that the lad had neatly stuck on the cover, below the word Chemistry, a label from a medicine bottle.

It read: “Warning. May cause nausea and extreme drowsiness.”

Present imperfect

TIS the season of endless shopping. A reader once received an email from the British Red Cross which stated: “Give a gift of first aid training courses this Christmas.”

Said our reader: “If I were to give someone that as a present, I suspect I would shortly thereafter be in need of first aid myself.”

Bedtime story

A READER swore to us he was in a boisterous city-centre bar where he heard a woman tell her pals: “I just wish more of my handcuff stories involved boyfriends and no’ the polis.”

Gone to pot

WE end with a goofy gag. “I spent a while trying my hand at pottery,” a reader once informed us. “But I was only kiln time.”