Bagging a birdy

SPENDING long hours in pursuit of a small dimpled ball has given golfers a keen understanding of the trials and tribulations that life can offer.

Reader Jim Morrison overheard two sporting chaps chatting at his local club. Said one golfer to the other: “I'm awfa mixed up these days, Dougie. Between Bird Flu and Covid, ah don't know whether to get a booster or a rooster.”

The name game

AN observant reader recently provided the Diary with an excellent example of a bloke whose name perfectly fitted his occupation.

The equally intrepid Iain Mills from Largs points out that the principle investor of the new Ardgowan whisky distillery at Inverclyde is the appropriately named… Roland Grain.

Fighting talk

BALDING fir trees have been unceremoniously dumped in the skip while it’s ta-ta to the tinsel till next year. Though some of our readers remain in a festive frame of mind. Especially when it comes to tales of those Hogmanays of yore.

“A lot has been said about the occasion when British and German soldiers played football together in No Man’s Land at Christmas during the First World War,” says Ron Beaton from Dunblane. “But few mentions are made about the time Scottish and German troops met at New Year to play a further game of footy, when no ball could be found, so they exchanged sandwiches. This episode was awarded the Noball Piece Prize.”

Double trouble

AS mentioned above, Crimbo is well and truly kaput. Which isn’t entirely bad news, for it means that leftover festive food is being sold at bargain prices in supermarkets.

Reader Gordon Nevill raced home to dazzle his wife with the tub of extra thick brandy cream he snaffled up in Sainsbury’s, costing him a grand total of… one pence.

And was the missus impressed?

“That’s the cheapest heart attack you’ll ever buy,” she shrugged.


OUR readers continue telling us about their New Year resolutions. “I’m writing a book about hurricanes and tornadoes,” boasts Iain Miller. “At present it’s only in draft form.”

Maxing out

AS they say in The Rocky Horror Picture Show… let’s do the time-warp again. Our nation may have stumbled into the seriously science fiction-y sounding year of 2022, yet many Scots are still doggedly battling historical campaigns, including that perennial favourite… devo-max.

Not unduly delighted to find the topic discussed again, reader Brian Gregory says: “Giz a break. I’m still getting my head round Pepsi Max.”

Back to black

“BLACKBOARDS - they genuinely are remarkable,” points out reader Matt Greig