The cruellest cut

THERE will be a lot less to chew on for contemporary viewers of classic Scottish sketch show Chewin’ The Fat.

The BBC hae removed certain scenes, fearing they might offend modern sensibilities. The Diary is curious to know what other programmes will face the snippety-snip from the Beeb’s censorious scissor-waggers.

“I predict they’ll tackle the 1970s sitcom about sustainable living, The Good Life,” says reader Emma Trimble. “Especially those episodes where Tom Good brandishes a sharp blade with clear intent to harm.”

Emma adds: “Modern audiences would be appalled to witness Tom ripping up all those poor, defenceless blades of grass with his merciless lawnmower.”

Scoffing at scoff

WE’RE discussing the crazy cuisine that passes for posh nosh nowadays. William Watson from Carstairs was raised amongst farming folk, and was amused to spot that modern delicacy, baby potatoes, for sale in a supermarket.

“In my day they would have been treated as ‘brock’ and boiled up and fed to pigs,” he chuckles.

Capital idea

ENTREPRENEUR and Dragons’ Den regular Deborah Meaden is spending three days in Edinburgh for her birthday. On social media she asks her followers what she should do in the Scottish capital.

Fellow broadcaster and west coast resident Muriel Gray helpfully suggests: “Come to Glasgow.”

Uplifting tune

WE mentioned that Michael Gove found himself trapped in a BBC lift. Reader Pete Baker reminds us of the Levelling Up secretary’s prowess on the dance floor. It was only a few months ago that Gove dazzled his fellow Aberdonians by throwing a few shapes in a Granite City nightclub.

Our reader is eager to know if the prancing politico whipped out his iPod and started shaking his booty while locked in the lift, and suggests that the perfect song for Grove to groove along to would be the classic Aerosmith anthem Love in an Elevator.

Fruitful amendment

KINDLY reader Dave Leitch offered a visiting pal an apple. “But he told me he preferred pears,” says Dave. “So I gave him another apple.”

Political party

BORIS Johnson continues to be buffeted by accusations of buffet-ing. In other words, he stands accused of enjoying food and nibbles with Downing Street chums while the rest of the nation was in lockdown.

“Working in Number 10 seems to be a bigger blast than a lads weekend in Ibiza,” says reader Oliver Welsh. “And twice as immoral.”

Gas alert

“MY helium addiction is out of control,” admits reader Matthew Brown. “But no one is taking my cry for help seriously.”

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