Child’s play

THRILLED Glasgow rock musician Rick Anthony says: “I love it when I'm out and about with my wee girl and a total stranger gives her a big smile when she's doing something funny. This happened yesterday in the park... and it was Jon b****y Hamm!”

Hamm is, of course, the Hollywood actor best known for appearing in TV hits such as Mad Men and Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Though he’s been filming the second series of Good Omens in Scotland, and, it would seem, also enjoying free comedy shows, courtesy of the local daffy youth.

Un-bearable situation

IT’S claimed that Prince Andrew has strict orders for servants regarding how they should arrange on his bed the five soft toys he owns.

“Could this sordid situation lead to more bad news for the Queen?” wonders reader Wayne Richardson: “Will Her Majesty now have to brace herself as her favourite son is taken to court by a traumatised Winnie the Pooh?”

Hospital horror story

WE’VE been discussing medics with amusing monikers. Fraser Kelly, who is based in Manila in the Philippines, says: “When I was training at the Western Infirmary there was a new doc called Doctor Death in the ward. He pronounced it dee ath. Though that didn’t reassure the patients.”

Gainfully employed

THE wages of certain workmen have rocketed up in the last few months. Reader Andy Harrison was discussing with his wife the high prices that plasterers are now demanding for their labour when his teenage son piped up, saying: “That sounds like the perfect job for me.”

Andy was then obliged to patiently explain to the excited youth what the job of a plasterer entails.

“Oh, right,” said the teen, with a disappointed shrug. “So I wouldn’t be paid to get plastered every night?”

More language games

WE continue to celebrate the arcane terminology used on the golf course. Bill Rutherford from Galashiels tells us of a shot known as a son-in-law, which means it’s not all you’d hope for, but it’ll have to do.

I spy

DOMINIC Cummings continues to hound Boris Johnson, and is now claiming that his former boss lied to Parliament over the "partygate" affair.

“Cummings would be perfect as the new James Bond,” claims reader Alan Neesley. “For it seems as though he never fails to take down his man.”

Our correspondent adds: “The Prime Minister, meanwhile, could play Bond’s arch nemesis, Blofeld. Or perhaps that should be Blowhard.”


WISE reader Carol Hibbert gets in touch to say: “Where would we be without rhetorical questions?”

Read more: Nobody does insults quite like the Scots