Haggis hell
BURNS Night is nearly upon us. Businessman Jack Davidson from Newton Mearns recalls spending a previous such occasion in a hotel where he was hosting a trade delegation from Romania. The Eastern Europeans had been promised a feast to celebrate the birthday of Scotland’s most famous poet. They were told that they would savour exotic treats such as they had never indulged in before, including haggis and After Eight mints.
As the festivities commenced Jack glanced at one of the Romanians and witnessed a sight that chilled him to the very marrow.
The delegate was smearing a lump of haggis on an After Eight, which he was using like a cracker.
His fellow Romanians nodded in approval and did likewise.
The meal was not a roaring success.
Old but gold
“THE youth of today should respect their grandparents,” decrees reader Jenny Wright, “because they managed to figure out how things work when the only search engine available was a car with a map in it.”
Acting up
IN a recent tale about the performing fraternity the Diary discussed the activities of a certain female thespian. Intrigued reader Joe Knox gets in touch to say: “I would love to ask her how things are doing in Thespia.”
Chit-chat charmer
A DIARY yarn about an exuberant youth reminds reader Margaret Thomson of the occasion when she took her grandson, aged three, to the garden centre for lunch. He was a real chatterbox, and two ladies at an adjoining table were clearly earwigging.
When Margaret got up to leave, one of the ladies said: “What a delightful wee boy. I could take him home.”
When this was reported to the little chap’s mum, she enthusiastically exclaimed: “Did you get her telephone number?”
Rules of attraction
WE continue celebrating arcane golfing terminology. Alan Walker from Carradale informs us that some rather ungallant golfers have shamefully named a shot that is thinned and keeps going a Sally Gunnell, for it is not especially attractive, though it is a good runner.
Bye-bye BoJo
BORIS Johnson continues to cling on to his job, in much the same way as Wile E. Coyote clutches a cliff edge, moments before Roadrunner toddles up to him, mutters, “Meep-meep!” then nudges him into oblivion.
If Boris is bumped, muses reader Gordon Casely, will his send-off be one of those serious and sober Number 10 business events that include jelly, trifle and gallons of chilled Dom Perignon.
Lengthy diatribe
IRRITATED reader Mandy O’Dell says: “I feel like superfluous has too many letters.”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereLast Updated:
Report this comment Cancel