TPOLEMICIST Douglas Murray is in a frustrated mood. The London-based writer, whose father hails from Lewis, has a new book coming out, a hard-hitting piece of extended journalism titled: The War On The West: How To Prevail In The Age Of Unreason.

Alas, this stern critique of today’s society is proving less popular than a rival weighty tome.

“This is getting personal,” harrumphs Douglas. “My forthcoming book is getting beaten on Amazon by someone who’s written about a rabbit that isn’t even theirs.”

And the title of the book that is bashing Murray’s masterpiece?

That’s Not My Bunny… Its Tail Is Too Fluffy.

Gone to putt

A GOLFING chum of Robin Gilmour, from Milngavie, East Dunbartonshire, was strolling round the perimeter of his local course. As four fellow members were approaching a nearby green he decided to sit on a bench to enjoy the sport.

The gentleman furthest away played first. His ball was all of 45 feet from the pin. And – would you believe it? – he managed to hole the monster putt.

Robin’s friend started clapping and, in genuine admiration, said: “Well done, sir. Well done!”

The sporting gent, retrieving his ball from the hole, yelled back with a tad less admiration: “F*$@ off! That was for an eight.”

A tad Tomish

ACTOR Jordan Young is proud of the lengths he goes to for an authentic performance. Recalling the time he had to race through a children’s soft play area while filming TV show Scot Squad, he says doing his own stunts makes him the Scottish Tom Cruise.

“Only a wee bit taller,” clarifies Jordan. “And not a Scientologist… and he doesn’t do panto.”

Ship of fools

“UKRAINE should be commended for sinking the Russian warship, the Moskva,” says George Dale, from Beith, North Ayrshire. “Maybe there will soon be more good news for the Ukrainian people – the contract to replace the Moskva handed to Ferguson’s shipyard.”

Our island story

A TOPICAL verse from reader Gavin Weir in Ochiltree, East Ayrshire.

There was a crooked man, who walked a crooked mile,

Crooks sent some desperate refugees to his crooked scepter’d isle.

“I’ve got a wee trip planned for you, near the crooked Nile,”

Crookedly he told them, with his crooked smile.

“Don’t want to go? That’s fine. Orf to the crooked jail.”

Face facts

WITH Elon Musk threatening to buy Twitter, social media is the place to make a buck. Entrepreneurial

reader Malcolm Boyd says: “I’ve a great idea for a site where you can talk about all your friends. I’m calling it Two-FacedBook.”