The hole truth

A DIARY yarn about a golfer’s bolshie behaviour reminds Dan Roberts from Falkirk of an old chum who used to curse when he missed a putt.

Nothing unusual about that, perhaps. Though the invective used by this fellow was always directed at his golf ball, which he addressed as “Mr Buckingham”.

Dan was intrigued by this, and inquired how the ball came about its curious sobriquet.

“It’s named after my boss at work,” revealed the grumpy golfer. “He’s another one I’d love to see safely in his hole in the ground.”

Just the ticket

FILM fan Brian Logan from Langside watched a charming film called Ladies in Lavender in which a foreign chap suffering from amnesia is washed ashore in Cornwall. He’s discovered by two kindly dames who look after him while he becomes a popular member of the local community.

“I hear there’s a remake planned,” says Brian, “in which he’s found by Priti Patel and put on the first plane to Rwanda with a one-way ticket.”

Leap of imagination

HERALD writer Alison Rowat recently wrote an article about Boris Johnson, titled: "With one bound and a fine he is free".

William Watson from Carstairs reasonably says: “What else could we expect from a bounder?”

Name game

FOLLOWERS of French politics will be aware of the concerning mainstreaming of extremist ideology. Reader David Donaldson notes that the head of the country’s television channel, TV5Monde, is no fan of the nation’s far-right politician, Marine Le Pen. Though the unfortunate broadcasting mogul has a rather embarrassing name for one who stands firmly against Marine and her minions.

His name is Yves Bigot.

Mind your language

AUTHOR Liam McIlvanney is stumped. He’s been writing a scene in which people are watching a football match in Glasgow in 1981. “What I want to know is: when did a ‘shy’ become a ‘throw-in’?” asks Liam.

“Was ‘shy’ a specifically Scottish term? The ball would ‘go out for a shy’ when I was a lad, and no longer seems to do so.”

Liam is one of Scotland’s greatest writers of detective fiction. Though this looks like the kind of mystery even he’ll need help solving…

Water quick response

AT a job interview reader Nigel Fleming filled a glass of water until it slightly overflowed.

“Nervous?” asked the interviewer.

“No,” Nigel quickly responded. “I always give 110%.”

Mystified moggie

I INFORMED my cat I was going to teach him to speak English,” says reader Jenny Miller. “He looked at me and said: ‘Me? How?’”

Read more: Lowering the voting age? Whatever...