A DIARY tale about meaningless training courses reminds Julie McAlpine of her days in gainful employment. She recalls a team- building course where an over-enthusiastic trainer kept repeating the phrase: “Remember guys, there’s no ‘I’ in team.”

After hearing this one too many times, an unimpressed team member was heard to mutter: “Aye, and there’s no ‘F’ in point.”

Tattoo you

A NERVOUS reader informs us she is about to undergo a colonoscopy, and is not much looking forward to the procedure. However, while perusing the information pamphlet she was given, she was moderately thrilled to read the sentence: ‘Sometimes we may place a small tattoo on the bowel wall.’

Medical experts will no doubt explain that this is to mark a specific part of the bowel that doctors may want to study at a later date.

Though our reader is more focused on deciding what tattoo design to get.

Skull and crossbones, perhaps. Or maybe a ship’s anchor.

Her own preference is for an image of the sun, which will have the gratifying result of preventing any jealous friend from claiming that her tattoo is inauspiciously displayed: “Where the sun don’t shine.”

The tractor factor

POLITICALLY engaged Stevie Campbell, from Hamilton, South Lanarkshire, asks: “Is it true the Tory MP caught watching videos of seedy shenanigans on his phone in the House of Commons resigned in disappointment after being informed he had ‘lost the whip’?"

Neverending story

THINKING about civil service careers, reader Gary Hill says: “The worst part about working for the JobCentre is that when you get fired you still have to show up the next day.”

Cold calling

AMERICAN comic book illustrator Neal Adams died a few days ago. A giant of the superhero industry, Neal was famous for his gritty rendition of Batman, which helped the character shrug off his camp and corny reputation, notoriously celebrated in the hammy 1960s TV show.

Fellow comic book creator Fraser Campbell once got a poster signed by Neal, and recalls the auspicious occasion: “My accent threw him a bit,” admits Fraser, “so he initially signed ‘To Freezer’, before cheerfully changing it once he realised I was Scottish.”

Shop talk

MADCAP malapropisms, continued. John Cochrane recalls the elderly lady in an ironmongers who asked the chap behind the counter if he stocked, “any of the wee Durex batteries?”

Doors not adorable

A DIARY tale quoting a popular phrase inspires cynical reader Gordon Casely to tell us: “My experience is that when one door closes, another slams shut.”