In the glory days of journalism it was almost impossible to open a newspaper without coming across an article about a slice of processed cheese that looked like Paul Gascoigne or a door knob that was the very double of John the Baptist.

The Diary is now attempting to revitalise this dying tradition with this block of wood, which appears to be metamorphosising into a dog.

Note that the dog is looking exceedingly thoughtful. No doubt it is hungry, and mulling over its chances of being fed a delicious slice of processed cheese that is the spit of Paul Gascoigne …