Journey of discovery

MOTORING aficionado Gordon Smith from Paisley tells us the first new car he bought came with the registration number LSD 422P. He regrets not keeping it as he enjoyed many a fascinating trip in it.

Count him out

OUR creative correspondents continue lopping letters from movie titles, in order to suggest better pictures that could have been filmed instead.

Recalling the cinematic adaptation of a famous Victorian novel, Carl Williamson from Largs says it would have been more entertaining if it had instead been a story about a naughty pupil who plays truant to avoid sitting a mathematics exam.

The film would, of course, be titled Far from the Adding Crowd.

Upwardly (im)mobile

COMING to terms with the spiteful depredations of growing older, reader Josephine Hughes tells us: “I’ve reached the age where if I sit on the floor, I have to strategise how to get up.”

End of times

MADCAP malapropisms, continued. Alastair Wardrop recalls being a young bank clerk when he served a customer he knew quite well. On asking how her elderly mother who stayed with her was keeping, she replied that she could no longer look after her, and had to have her admitted to an Evening Times home.

Rubbish situation

THE cost of living crises that is sweeping the nation is no laughing matter, though that hasn’t stopped our readers from gleaning a few mordant chuckles from what is a depressing situation.

Reader Kevin Bailey says: “We’re so broke in our house that the dustbin men will have to start delivering.”

Brought to book

SCOTTISH research scientist and fantasy writer Annabel Campbell has been devising chapter headings for a novel she’s working on.

One possibility, she says, is "All Round Shenanigans", which is certainly… original.

Mulling it over, Annabel concludes that perhaps it would be better if she didn’t name her chapters, after all.

Master stroke

WE recently mentioned a woman on social media who was desperate to know if the pigeons cooked on MasterChef are the same breed as those tottering around Glasgow’s Central Station.

We’re happy to report that one of her Twitter pals has answered the question, stating: “They send Gregg Wallace out to walk the streets with a big net.”

Computer says No

LAPTOPS are tricky gizmos to operate, which is why the Diary suggests returning to the much more reliable technology of the quill pen.

Meanwhile, reader Carol Murray says: “I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar, and now my battery keeps draining.”

Read more: Meme of the Day