Feeling Blue

THE Diary has been unfairly criticised in the past for knowing very little about a certain popular sport.

To prove our detractors wrong, we are now going to reveal our detailed knowledge in this area by discussing the mighty Rangers, who suffered a major disappointment earlier in the week.

That’s right, folks. The New York Rangers ice hockey team lost to the Carolina Hurricanes.

The Diary commiserates with our millions of readers in the Big Apple, though at least our ardent fanbase in Carolina will be chuffed.

Green and mean

IN other news, a bunch of chaps flew to Seville for a kickabout on Wednesday, before returning to the UK a tad frustrated.

This being a West of Scotland team, the Diary is delighted to report that the entire region came together to support the valiant boys in blue, with not a soul connected to the harmonious city of Glasgow taking any cheer from the defeat.

Which is why we’re sure that former footy star Chris Sutton (who is rather fond of a green and white stripey shirt he owns) was being entirely sincere when he remarked: “Great effort in the Europa League from Rangers, and the players have given their all. With the amount of penalties they’ve been awarded this season, I fancied them in the shootout, mind.”

Bean scene

OUR creative correspondents continue lopping letters from movie titles, in order to suggest better pictures that could have been filmed instead.

David McClemont from Inverness would like to see a Technicolor epic about the horrors of addiction, more specifically, the horrors of addiction to baked beans.

The film would, of course, be titled… One with the Wind.

Cinematic sadness

AFTER a brief interlude, it’s back to a certain footy match we go. River City star Jordan Young, who we suspect is more of a Rangers fan than Chris Sutton, was in Spain for the game. Being an actor, he recalls the experience as though it was the blurb for a movie poster.

“24 hours in Seville,” says Jordan. “Lost on penalties, lost my phone, lost my voice. One man’s touching struggle with loss.”

Slippery statement

MADCAP malapropisms, continued. When James Gracie from Sanquhar was working in local government a councillor once warned a colleague from a rival party by snarling: “You're skating on a very sticky wicket.”

The milky way

A TRAGIC tale from reader Kenneth Richardson, who says: “My wife ran off with the milkman. Watching them drive away was the longest two hours of my life.”