Footy faux pas

THE BBC have apologised after a text appeared on the news ticker at the bottom of the news channel screen which displayed the surprising comment: "Manchester United are rubbish".

The red-faced Beeb blamed the Manc massacring message on a trainee who was learning to use the ticker machine at the time.

Diary reader Archibald Aspinall argues that it was evident from the start that a trainee was at fault.

“Obviously a youngster with only a limited education was involved,” says Archie, “which explains why the person ended up misspelling ‘Scottish football is…’.”

Brought to book

BROWSING in an upmarket London bookshop, reader Ken Larner overheard the conversation between two of the salespeople.

“That’s me off to get a sandwich for lunch,” said one of them. “So farewell for now.”

The other salesperson, affronted by this remark, replied: “Remember your surroundings, Jennifer! Surely you mean to say ‘fare thee well for now’.”

Pain in Spain

OUR correspondents continue lopping letters from movie titles, thereby suggesting better films that could have been made instead.

Reader Iain Colvin wants to see a thriller centred round the journey made by a bunch of distraught and flummoxed footie fans who make the mistake of attempting to return from Seville by land rather than airplane.

The flick would, of course, be called… Rangers on a Train.

Table talk

WE’VE been discussing the stationery holders that office workers keep on their desks, and reader Liam McGuigan recently recalled a chap he worked with who owned three mail trays which were labelled: ‘Lies’, ‘Rumours’ and ‘Denials’.

Liam gets back in touch today to wonder if those very same trays are now in the possession of a certain resident of Number 10…

Withering weather

THE glorious days of summer are almost upon us, enthuses reader Mary Taylor, who adds: “Soon we’ll be able to gaze out the window at summer rain, rather than autumn, winter or spring rain.”

In the loop

THAT last little nugget of so-so seasonal news was rather dispiriting. Luckily here comes Diary correspondent Jim Hamilton to give us all a pep talk.

Take it away, Mr. Optimism…

“If you find yourself feeling useless,” says Jim, “remember that it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.”

Cutting comment

NO longer happy to be hirsute, reader Chris Roberts went into his local hairdressers and requested a snippety-snip in the style of his favourite band, The Beach Boys.

Says a delighted Chris: “They booked me in with barber Ann.”