ALL of Scotland was disappointed to hear of the English footy team’s recent struggles to maintain its majestic position as a middle-ranking gaggle of mundane kickabout artisans.

Luckily the Diary has stumbled across this fine figure of a fellow, who should be signed by Gareth Southgate immediately, thus transforming his squad into… drum roll… a slightly better middle-ranking gaggle of mundane kickabout artisans.