Water silly answer

SCIENCE teacher Ralph MacInnes recalls explaining to one group of youngsters in an Edinburgh school that the chemical formula for water is H2O.

A young scholar lurking in the back row of the classroom, who usually had little to say, eagerly wafted his hand in the air.

“Yes?” said Ralph.

“If H2O is the formula for water,” said this fellow, “then I know what H2O + H2O + H2O equals.”

Delighted that his student was at last showing an interest in scientific methodology, Ralph asked him for the answer.

“Flood,” said the scholar.

Silly science

UNLIKE the foolish fellow from the above story, our readers are impressively literate in the ways of science. They’ve even been devising "ologies" to be studied at university. Gordon McRae claims that anthology is the study of one particular member of the duo who present I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here.


CHURCH of England priest and former pop star, Richard Coles, has been having a bruising time visiting our nation’s capital. “I have decided I did not have a fall in the street in Edinburgh last night,” he says. “I was interacting with urban space and the northern Enlightenment through the medium of parkour.”

U.S. of Eh?

A FEW days ago our cousins from across the Pond celebrated Independence Day, one of the key dates in the Stateside calendar.

Reader Daniel McCall is not impressed, saying: “Honestly, only the Americans could have a day off to celebrate a movie.”

In some state

CONTINUING our Stars and Stripes theme. Comedy writer, actor and star of TV show Scot Squad, Jack Docherty, is just back from the States.

“I love the country,” he enthuses. “But there’s a real freaky dystopian Handmaid’s Tale end of democracy Christian fundamentalist truth-denying crypto-fascist autocratic crazy b*****d lunatic judges minority rule vibe at the moment.”

In other words, book your tickets to America now. A relaxing, stress-free holiday is guaranteed.

Art attack

ADMITTEDLY, life in the UK is also more blight than Blighty bliss. At the National Gallery in London two argy-bargy anti-oil protestors glued themselves to the frame of a masterpiece painted by the romantic era artist, John Constable.

Mandy Hutchinson believes the rozzers should deal with the gluesome twosome.

“Attaching yourself to a Constable means you’re already linked to the police,” she points out.


WINCING through the pain, reader Alastair MacRae says: “I dropped a tub of margarine on my foot last month and it still hurts. I can’t believe it’s not better.”

Read more: Can you soft-soap a Hindu epic?