THE next leader of our country could be Liz Truss, a lady with all the bubble and fizz of a glass of tap water discarded on a kitchen table on a humid summer’s day, an exhausted housefly floating on its surface, all hope of being tossed a miniature lifejacket gone.

Reader James Campbell is equally enamoured, telling us: “With regards to Liz Truss's delivery technique, she could go by the title of the 'Wooden Horse Of Tory'.”

Wet warrior worries

WE mentioned the strange case of a medieval knight, fully garbed in battle dress, clanking his way into an Edinburgh pub (This happened well before there was even a hint of the Edinburgh Festival on the horizon, so it really was unusual).

The surreal scenario reminds Russell Smith, from Largs, of closing time in a hostelry, one dark and stormy evening, many moons ago.

The concerned barman said to one chap in shiny armour sitting with a mighty hound at his feet: “Bide a while, good sir, and have one on the house. I wouldn’t send a knight out on a dog like this”.

Ropey road

THE Diary published a photograph of a shop that sells an assortment of oddities. The only thing linking the items is that none of them is worth buying.

Which is why the store is named Unnecessary Necessities.

Fraser Nicol says something similar can be spotted in his native Perth. At his front door, in fact.

“My wife and I live in Needless Road, while up the road is Necessity Brae,” he says.

Burn before reading

WE continue discussing uses for The Herald newspaper, once you have finished reading it. Joyce Avery,

from Milngavie, sends her perused copies to her son in the Highlands, who uses then to ignite his wood-burning stove.

“Trouble is,” says Joyce, “he takes so long reading them, half the day is gone.”

Clearly, there is only one solution to this thorny problem. Her son should buy sheets of A4 paper, transcribe the words from his Heralds on to those sheets, then ignite his wood-burning stove with the used A4.

Leaving him all the time in the world to read his Heralds.

The spaghetti incident

WE continue describing classic films in the most boring way possible. Helen Potter suggests: "Tradesman working in ironware and lead metal takes cash in hand for job."

The movie is... A Fist Full Of Dollars.

Kicking off

“ALL my friends have fantastic bucket lists,” says reader Pamela Cameron. “Sadly, mine is a little pail in comparison.”