Batty decision

THE Diary is disappointed that the Batgirl movie filmed in Glasgow some months ago will not be shown on any media platform.

So it won’t be on a cinema screen, a TV screen or any other screen you care to mention. And that includes the screen door opening from your greenhouse onto the back garden.

Why was the bat belle given the bullet? Who knows? Maybe the Joker has taken over as CEO at Warner Bros, the studio who made the axed flick.

Meanwhile, wannabe movie mogul, David Donaldson, suggests that Glasgow be given the outtakes from the film, so that we can cobble together a work of unsurpassed genius for local consumption.

And what would this magnum opus be called?

“Bamgirl,” suggests our resident auteur. “Or perhaps Senga the Avenga.”

Dirty dots

TEACHING at the Royal Blind School in Edinburgh, Alasdair Sinclair came across a braille copy of Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream, where a bored pupil had altered the character Puck's name throughout, by flattening one of the raised dots forming the letter P.

This changed it to an F, thus injecting a great deal of vitality into Shakespeare’s classic text.

Journey of discovery

THE extended alcohol ban on Scottish trains leads Eric Scott, now based in Australia, to fondly recall an Edinburgh-Glasgow train he travelled on years ago.

Unfortunately the heating was on full blast and there was no buffet car, so Eric asked a passing train employee if drinks were available.

The chap made a vague response, then ambled off. Though he returned soon afterwards and invited our reader to the rear-facing driver's cabin, where the two chaps consumed a six pack of beer and a flask of whisky.

“That,” says Eric, “was British Rail service at its best.”

Queer cutlery query

EDINBURGH comedian Ross Leslie wants to buy a vital piece of equipment. Or, as Ross describes it: “A big, mad, wooden spoon.”

Apparently it has to be roughly two feet long.

Is this for his act, we wonder. Or his morning bowl of Frosties.

Meanwhile, one of Ross’s chums has a suggestion where he might purchase his item… Ladl.

Dig drags on

WE continue describing classic films in the most boring way possible. Nancy Fenn suggests: “Chap does some digging in the back yard. Takes his time about it.”

The movie is, of course… The Shawshank Redemption.

Projected salary

“I ONCE worked in the circus as a human cannonball,” says adventurous reader Adrian Wilson. “I was paid £1,500 a month. Plus mileage.”