Buchanan St bafflement

FORMER mafia boss Michael Franzese has been enjoying the sights in Glasgow while on a speaking tour of the UK.

In 1986 Vanity Fair magazine named Michael one of the biggest money earners in the mob since Al Capone. So he was obviously a rather successful chap in his highly specialised line of work.

Alas, we do not think he would be equally successful as a Glasgow tour guide, if he was so inclined to follow such a career path.

Strolling on Buchanan Steet, Michael pointed, and said: “That’s Nelson Mandela Plaza.”

The Diary assumes he meant Nelson Mandela Place, though we certainly won’t be correcting him.

We’ve seen too many business-instruction videos starring Al Pacino and Robert De Niro to be so cheeky…

Malleable money man

A FINANCIAL query from Hugh Dunnachie in Sanquhar: “What do you call a stretchy American billionaire?”

The answer is, of course… Elon Gates.

Radio sweetheart

ROCK stars are infamous for their riotous behaviour. The first thing they do upon checking in to their fifth floor hotel room is to unplug the TV, so they can chuck it out the window. Then they max out at the mini bar, before passing out on the carpet.

At least that’s what we assumed.

Rather disappointingly, Alex Kapranos has disabused us of this notion. The lead singer with Glasgow band Franz Ferdinand says: “I might be on tour and in some mad hotel in Tokyo, completely jet-lagged and losing my mind, but I’ll stick on I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue via the internet and feel a bit more at ease.”

Listening to twee radio 4 broadcasts? The Diary is shocked.

Though it could have been worse. At least he doesn’t admit to tuning in to The Archers.

Roll with it

THE school holidays are an opportunity for teens to triumphantly push themselves to their limits. Sometimes this means the limits of laziness.

Jennifer Grant entered her 16-year-old son’s bedroom at 2.30pm and discovered him still in bed.

“You’ve done nothing with the day!” she snarled.

“Not true,” countered the youth, with a yawn. “I’ve rolled from the left side of the bed to the right.”

Manky money matters

ORDERING Swedish currency from his local travel agent, David Miller from Milngavie felt awkward asking the young lady assistant for £500 worth of SEKs.

“Had to resort to calling them Swedish króna,” he sighs.

Bear plus beware

BIBLIOPHILE Karen Martin gets in touch to say: “Every Winnie-the-Pooh book should come with a Tigger warning.”