MEDICALLY minded Robin Johnston, from Newton Mearns, notes that bright yellow defibrillators, used to combat heart failure, are often spotted on the nation’s high streets.

Our correspondent recently spotted one amongst a line of shops in a village on the outskirts of Glasgow.

Closer examination indicated that much thought had been given to its location. For it was outside a butcher’s shop, where rib eye steak was priced at £25 per kilo.

Trash talk, continued

SYMPATHETIC Terry McGeary, from East Kilbride, admits he should not make light of the binmen strike impacting Scotland’s once fragrant cities.

He then proceeds to make light of the situation… well, who can possibly resist?

Says Terry: “I hope there's some notable involved in the brouhaha after whom the mountains of rubbish can be named. A Mr Black would be ideal.

“Then climbers who have collected all the Munros in Scotland can start Black bagging...”

Musical mutt

THE Diary’s cap-doffing royal correspondent, David Donaldson, notes that Harry and Meghan have named their rescue dog Mamma Mia.

“Naming dogs after Abba songs strikes me as an excellent idea,” says David, who adds: “I look forward to the next pets being called Money, Money, Money and Gimme, Gimme, Gimme.”

Bumming around

WE continue discussing IZAL, the once popular toilet paper as rough as a coating of Artex. This fortuitous coincidence inspired many proud Scottish homeowners to glue strips of IZAL to their ceilings, in the hope that unobservant visitors would mistake them for Artex (Certain aspects of the above statement may not be entirely true. Though the Diary is not at liberty to divulge which parts).

Reader Val Dean recalls verses being printed on the squares of IZAL paper in the 1940s, and believes they were nursery rhymes.

What was written there, we’re not entirely sure. Perhaps: “Rub, rub, rub your bot, gently down the seam…”

Sight and sound

“THINK how lucky we are,” says reader Grant Daly, “that blinking isn’t noisy.”

Praise postponed

THE Edinburgh Fringe closes today, which might be a relief for comedian Ali Woods, who asked his mum if she liked his performance at the comedy jamboree.

“Sorry, no.” she replied. “What can I say? I laughed, but I just don’t enjoy watching you on stage.”

Let’s hope Ali has an aunt, an uncle or a second cousin twice-removed who’s more generous with the praise…

Cash and carry

CONFUSED reader Terry Conway says: “I had an odd weekend. First, I found a hat full of money. Then I got chased by some angry bloke with a guitar.”