Teachable moment

FINNISH Prime Minister Sanna Marin recently took a drugs test to prove to her sceptical nation that her joie de vivre isn’t chemically enhanced – an episode which reminds teacher Debbie Meehan of a school trip to France.

The adults were having a rare old time, and this being the capital of corked cuisine, there was a carafe of wine on the staff table at dinner.

One of the pupils, who had been scolded after disobeying the "lights out" rule, was overhead complaining bitterly to her dad on the phone, telling him that the teachers were imbibing fermented refreshments every night.

Thankfully dad turned out to be a reasonable chap, for it was later learned that he replied: “If I had to take you lot away for a week, I’d be turning to drink too.”

Bendy boy

GENEROUS reader Martha Kimbrough offered to buy her teenage son a takeaway meal last week.

Would he prefer pizza or something delivered from the local Chinese restaurant, she inquired.

“I’m flexible,” replied the easy going lad. “I’ll have both.”

Suited yet slothful

OVERHEARD on a train by reader Henry Leslie. One chap in a suit said to a similarly-attired fellow: “I’ve decided I’m not going to give it my all, today. I’m only giving it my some.”

Footy faux pas

THE reverberations from Celtic’s 9-0 defeat of Dundee United continue, with local Dundee lad Oor Wullie refusing to take his head out of his bucket until PC Murdoch arrests the entire United squad and bangs ‘em up for a suitable period. (A year’s gaol for every goal being a symbolically satisfying prison sentence.)

Meanwhile, social media continues discussing the score, with one Hoops fan grumping: “Disgraceful fae Celtic. Should have been 10. Too many opportunities missed…”

Driven to distraction

MUSICALLY-MINDED Reader Robert Doncaster says: “The most unsettling part of the song Born to Be Wild is when they find a head out on the highway.”

Credentials = cash

YEARS ago reader Melony Pearson was interviewing a young lady for a job as a factory cleaner. Melony asked the not-unreasonable question: “So why should we hire you?”

The young lady thought about this for an introspective moment, then came back with the equally reasonable response: “Well, first of all, ma landlord’s pure nippin’ ma heed for the rent, an’ it wid be handy tae be able tae gie him it.”

Cuppa confusion

TREPIDATIOUS reader Neil Hunter says: “I’m not sure about the trendy café that’s opened near me. It fills me with uncertain tea.”