MUSIC fan Linda Smallwood attempted to persuade her boyfriend to visit a jazz club with her when the couple visited New York last week.

Her suggestion did not meet with any great enthusiasm.

“I hate listening to jazz,” confessed the beau. “All the instruments seem to be squabbling with each other. It’s just a loud, incoherent argument that goes on forever. Y’know, the musical equivalent of those Liz Truss and Rishi Sunak debates.”

Wild west woe

MORE political pontifications. Diary correspondent Brian Sunderlin is less than delighted about a weekend comment made by the same Ms Truss mentioned in the above story.

In a TV interview she admitted the nation “faces serious challenges.”

“If nothing else, “ says Brian, “Truss proves herself the mistress of understatement. Saying that about the UK is like claiming that Custer’s Last Stand was a game of cowboys and Indians that got a wee bit out of hand.”

Punctual pause

GRAMMATICALLY savvy Jennifer Curran points out: “Commas are just speed bumps warning your eyes to slow down.”

Pure filth

ART fan Deedee Cuddihy notes not everyone is appreciating the exhibition running at Glasgow’s CCA, which is titled We Are Compost / Composting The We, and involves 60 tons of dirt being smeared across the entire floor of the main gallery.

“What’s going on here?” enquired one bemused visitor of the specially trained "cultivators" engaged in raking coffee grounds, pizza ash and cocoa husks into the art work.

“We’re making soil,” came the reply.

The outraged punter retorted, “Leave that to God!”, then stormed off.

(P.S. Deedee also points out the gallery dirt is regularly doused with worm juice. Which is just like regular juice, only wormier.)

Fine dining

GLASGOW is rightly celebrated as a city of sophisticated cuisine, where a hearty repast always awaits a household visitor. Reader Edward Lee was on a bus in the city's east end when he overheard one bloke approvingly say to a pal sitting next to him: “Oh, aye. Jennifer pits oan a right gid spread. Went round tae her flat the other night, and there wis Lambrini, Pringles an’ a Mars Bar waitin’ for me oan the coffee table.”

Bye-bye Sly

FILM buff Stephen Rattigan tells us most authoritatively: “The Rocky Horror Picture Show is the only movie in the Rocky series that doesn’t feature Sylvester Stallone.”

Dream on

DISTRESSED reader Henry Mitchell gets in touch to reveal: “I keep having these dreams that I'm a horse. That's five nights on the trot now…”