ADVENTUROUS Michelle Wilson from Paisley has been discussing with her family the possibility of a move to Australia next year.
Her 13-year-old daughter has not yet been persuaded of the advantages of life Down Under.
“But think of all those lovely koalas you could meet,” said Michelle, in a honeyed, coaxing lilt.
Her daughter merely shrugged. “Why don’t we invite a bunch of koalas here instead?” she countered. “Bet they’d get a big buzz out of Edinburgh Castle.”
No hope rope
THE plunging pound has led to plunging hearts in the UK. Reader Anne Bonne was in a West End bar when she overheard a couple at the next table discussing Kwasi Kwarteng’s mini Budget.
Said the chap to his female companion: “It’s pretty stressful, all this financial uncertainty. It’s like the pound’s been tied to a bungee rope.”
“Nah, not really,” replied the lady. “A bungee rope bounces back.”
Boozy bowling
A STORY about crown bowls in the Diary reminds reader Henry Merritt of an occasion when he was playing a different version of bowling. The one where you knock down skittles.
Henry was playing the game in a Glasgow city centre bowling alley, along with a bunch of colleagues from his office, and admits that there might have been some booze-imbibing before the competitive part of the night commenced. Which perhaps explains the curious statement uttered by one of the players, who picked up his bowling ball, balanced it speculatively on his palm, then said: “How the hell do you dribble this thing?”
The name game
GLASGOW comedy actor Johnny Mac is clearly in a nostalgic mood when he says: “Sat in Starbucks is like being back at school with the teacher yelling out names… even then no one liked Billy Hot Chocolate.”
Brush with barbarians
PHILOSOPHICAL thought of the day arrives from Nigel Stone in Stirling, who says: “Can we really claim that we’ve advanced as a civilisation when we still go to the toilet in the same room where we keep our toothbrush?”
Loopy lingo
THE linguistically-limber Diary continues encouraging aspiring writers with our top tips to follow when you plan on forging a career in the writing racket.
Bill Reedman says: “Don’t sprinkle your copy with too many exclamation marks. It will look like you had hiccups while you were typing.”
Musical muddle
BOOZING advice from reader Fiona Brown, who says: “Never visit your local pub with the Beach Boys. It’s fine at first, until you ask whose round it is.”
Read more: Why a cafe's merry Macs turned down offer of help
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