My Week: Liz Truss

SORRY, this line is a bit crackly and there is some singing going on in the background. What singing? Well, it’s coming from some old crinkly Conservatives over the road, and it sounds like “Ding dong the witch is dead”. But that shows how out of touch these people are because it isn’t even Halloween yet.

What? Yes, you’re right. They are looking at me as they sing but I’ve no idea why. Maybe I remind them of Dorothy, skipping along the Yellow Brick Road to happiness, because that is in fact what I’m doing right now.

Okay, I will admit it’s been a little bit of a tricky week, I will give you that. Those local radio reporters were absolutely beastly to me, asking horrid questions like “How does it feel to have destroyed humanity as we know it?” And “Look, Liz, are you entirely brainless with no clear knowledge of how the City works, or simply a reckless dunderhead?”

And there was me trying to come up with answers, which was unfair because my Spads had told me that these local BBC reporters would only have five minutes each and that would be eaten up by inane stiff about the Norfolk farm pig manure or some such stuff. But anyway, I think I got my message across which was Blame Putin. Blame Covid. Blame America, for having the common sense to raise interest rates to curb inflation.

What I was not going to accept was error on the part of myself or Kwasi, although as PM I reserve the right to throw him under the bus anytime soon.

Now, you’re asking me if I’m fearful for my job right now? Well, if you think I should be worried you’re crazier than I am. To force a new leadership contest would almost definitely result in a General Election and the Party knows that with Labour 33 points ahead in the polls that would be suicide.

Thank goodness for this incredible Labour resurgence, is all I can say.

But let’s get back to the major issues of the day. No, I don’t want to talk about the so-called grovelling meeting between Kwasi and me and the Office for Budget Responsibility. The claims we’re going in there with a thick jotter down our trousers is well wide of the mark.

No, when I read the note you’d left requesting an interview it said you wanted to talk about “being totally out of step, showing a lack of balance and with no real grasp of timing.” To be honest, I was happy to talk about Kaye Adams’ chances on Strictly tonight. But if you want to make it about the economic Armageddon and all that stuff, that’s not really my area of expertise.

All I will say is we ARE on the Yellow Brick Road. And I. Am. Not. Bricking. It. At. All.

As imagined by Brian Beacom