CONSOLING words from Edinburgh comedian Martin Bearne regarding the amuse-bouche Premiership of Liz Truss…

“Hey,” says Martin to Liz, “we have all had summer jobs…”

Half-baked idea

THE Diary is musing over what Scotland should name its currency if we become an independent nation. David Donaldson suggests it should be called the "scone", which is both the ancient seat of kings and also a yummy baked treat eaten by our sweet-toothed kings whilst lounging on their ancient seat.

(It should be pointed out that Alba’s royals reigned in the primordial past, yonks before Amazon Prime. So to amuse themselves, they either had to start a war – fun but exhausting – or nibble on something delicious, ie, a scone. Also fun, but murder on the hips, and try squeezing into your suit of armour after a particularly debauched scone scoffing session.)

Anyway, the Diary is now promoting David Donaldson’s idea of calling our freshly minted mullah the scone.

Furthering his case, David points out that “can ye spare me a scone?” would undoubtedly be a catchy phrase for our nation’s street-mendicants to yell to passers-by.

Just the ticket

MORE politics. A Conservative voting chum of reader Norrie Mason admitted he’s hankering for Boris and Rishi to both return to Cabinet, with BoJo leading the nation again.

The chum then added, perhaps a touch bombastically: “You can’t deny Boris and Rishi are the dream team.”

“I suppose you’re right,” conceded our reader. “After all, a nightmare is a sort of dream.”

Mind your language

CONFUSED Helen Cowling, from Cumbernauld, gets in touch to ask: “Why is no one ever the right amount of whelmed?”

TV or not TV

ONCE popular BBC satirical show Mock The Week is no more. Which disappoints Glasgow-based comedian Josie Long, even though she never appeared on it.

Though as she points out, over the years many people have informed her they enjoyed watching her perform on the programme.

“And every time I absolutely lapped up the praise,” beams a proud Josie.

Package deal

WE’RE discussing Hallowe'en costumes that involve no effort whatsoever.

Gavin Wells once hosted a party where a chum arrived looking much like he always did, though he declared:

“I’ve come as a skeleton.”

“You don’t look much like a skeleton,” pointed out Gavin.

To which the chum replied: “The costume hasn’t been unwrapped from the package yet.”

Water waste

MYSTIFIED reader Catherine Speirs never understood people who pay cartloads of cash for bottles of Evian water. “Then,” she says, “I read the name backwards…”

Read more from the Diary: With all this drama, who needs Netflix?