Revolting behaviour

THE youth of today. So passionate. So resolute. So certain they’re never wrong about anything. Reader Paula Wright’s daughter, currently studying at Cambridge Uni, was home in Glasgow for a visit.

It seems that her time on campus has ignited the spark of revolutionary fervour within her soul, for during lunch the 21-year-old haughtily explained why the previous generation was so awful.

“I was informed that my lot must shoulder the burden of blame for everything that’s gone wrong in the world,” sighs Paula, “from climate change to economic inequality, with war, pestilence and famine thrown in for good measure.”

Having patiently listened to this daughterly diatribe for several minutes, Paula responded to the feisty frondeur by saying: “You’re harsh but fair. Only without the fair bit.”

Ring of truth

OF course some students prefer to spend their academic life humbly garnering knowledge in the classroom.

During one psychology tutorial at Glasgow Uni, reader Harvey Smith’s lecturer asked: “Has anyone heard of Pavlov?”

“The name rings a bell,” said Harvey.

Stretching: the facts

WE mentioned the universe seems to be expanding at a faster rate than scientists predicted, which has resulted in many of our readers becoming deeply concerned.

“Should we all be wearing seatbelts?” inquires a nervous Gordon Buchanan.

Relative values

IN a tearoom in Edinburgh’s Morningside, reader Maurice Haywood overheard an elderly lady at a nearby table say to her friend: “It’s not that I’m jealous of my sister. It’s more that I hate seeing ANYONE happy.”

Fact… or fancy?

RIGHTLY proud of his evidence-based attitude towards the world, reader Andy Heaton says: “Like most Capricorns I don’t believe in astrology.”

Dolphin dilemma

A FEW days ago we pointed out that the shifty shenanigans in the UK Parliament have become worryingly similar to one of those popular Netflix shows where all the narrative threads entwine in the final episode, resulting in an explosive denouement.

Which reminds reader John Stevenson of the phrase "jumping the shark", which is used by broadcasting executives to describe a long-running TV drama that has run out of good ideas, and is now reduced to cobbling together increasingly preposterous plot-lines.

Our correspondent concludes that British politics has now reached this stage.

“Only it hasn’t merely jumped the shark,” adds John, “it’s also leapt over a couple of bottlenose dolphins, plus the occasional basking porpoise.”

Cold comfort

A CULINARY comment from reader Simon Bell, who delightedly tells us: “I emptied my freezer of seafood yesterday, and found mussels I never knew I had.”